groom
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: In front of my pc
User status: Offline
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HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE ?
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have
an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the
counter. "You don't?" I replied. We only have six, nine, or twelve," was
the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO
The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of
months ago I was checking out at the local Wal*Mart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked
up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed
it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had
scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over
for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I
said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She
said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what
had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit
card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need
some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the
battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you
think they (pointing
to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I
dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to
me. I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she
was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
paper. "What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told
her. With that,
the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and
the whole thing generally looked like an extra in Twister." I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise
control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch
banks who had this question: I've got smoke coming from the back of my
terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
My favorite
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
----
A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful
pet dachshund along for company.
One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the
dachshund discovers that he is lost.Wandering about, he notices a leopard
heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having
lunch. The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some
bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down
to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the
leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one
delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing
this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes
over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That
was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey who had been
watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this
knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off
he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great
speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up
with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the
leopard.
The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop
on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now
the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and
thinks "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits
down with his back to his attackers, pretending he
hasn't seen them yet and just when they get close enough to hear the
dachshund says: "Where's that stupid monkey? I sent him off half an hour
ago to bring me another leopard."
REMEMBER: IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE THEM WITH BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE THEM WITH BULL!
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