leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
Just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just
one car. It's hundreds of them!"
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"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the
second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am
I. Let's have a beer."
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SENIOR MOMENTS II
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
They had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long
time....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,
but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend
glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared And glared at
her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?
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DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
See over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light". After a few more
minutes, they came to another intersection and the Light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the Passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red but was really Concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close
attention to the road and the next intersection. At the next
intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went On through.
So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that
we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"
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NURSING HOME
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing
Home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next
morning, The nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her
in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK,
but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her
up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the
other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old
woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they
treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies.
"Except they won't let you fart."
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DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.She
holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman
in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says,
"Close enough."
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DOWN AT THE NURSING HOME
A little old lady was walking up and down the halls in a nursing home.
As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her
gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two
and finally answered, "I'll take The soup."
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so lame some of those but made me laugh