FLETCH...
Member
Registered: 17th Apr 02
Location: West Mids
User status: Offline
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eminem - stan (citroen remix)
Chorus: My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I.. Got out of bed at all The
morning rain clouds up my window.. And I can't see at all And even if I
could it'll all be gray, But your picture on my wall It reminds me, that
it's not so bad, It's not so bad.
.Dear Citroen Uk, I wrote but you still ain't callin I left my cell, my
e-mail, and my home phone at the bottom
It's been two months since my air con stopped and my Shatso just ain't goin'
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
You said I needed new thingy-me-bobs and that you got em' anyways;
F**k it, now the heater won't work, My girlfriend says its like an igloo.
I'm feeling like a jerk, I can't see through this murk, guess why? The
windscreen won't clear.
I read about your new policy about giving the public better quality, but'
tha's bullshit!
I know you probably hear this everyday but I'm your biggesst fan., I even
bought an XM and then torched it in an insurance skam, I got a garage full
of spare parts man, I like that s**t you did with the Rally Car man, that
s**t was phat!!
Anyways, I hope you get this man, need that part, car won't start, truly
yours, just tell me when This is Ken.
Chorus
Dear Citroen, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance I
ain't mad -
I just realised that my fuel tank is leaking into the cab.
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your service department you didn't
have to, but you coulda given one of those Citroen balloons to Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old he keeps moaning too,
about the cold, Four hours of "uncle Ken its freezing!!"
That's pretty shitty man - you should try putting up with it, I just can't
take this s**t, I'm growing tired of the little git, I just need that new
bit, to fix ma heater!
Remember when I bought the car, you said you'd help
- but just like, Gavin, my special Friend, he didn't believe you either,
you still ain't got the part for my heater!
The dashboard has frozen up so I can't play any songs, the stereo just sits
there, quietly which is wrong!
The heater's gone, there's no power when the on button is pressed, its so
cold my nipples starting to stand out of my chest!
Sometimes I just think I should just torch the bast*rd, at least I'd get
some heat. Now my expensive shoes and socks have frozen up, they're fallin
off my feet!
See everything you say is crap, and I hate you can't you smell it, my
mommas, gonna disown me now cause I'm moanin' 24/7
But she don't know what its like to drive in the cold citroen, no one does!
She don't know what it was like to have to defrost the steering wheel to
free it up.
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest customer you'll ever lose,
sincerely Ken.
P.S. Your free coffee sucks too!
Chorus
Dear Mister-I'm-Too-Good-To-sort out a problem with a fan, this'll be the
last time I deal with Citroen man!!!
It's been six months driving in the cold - I don't deserve it!
I just needed a new part for my car, that woulda been perfect.
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, its minus 30 on this motorway!
Hey Slim, I drank a pint a' Bovril man, too cold to take a s**t!
You know the song by Bob the builder, "Can we fix it?"
about that guy who could fix stuff for that other guy and he did a good job
and the job didn't go wrong, I like that f**kin' song!
That's kinda how this is with me, you coulda fixed my fan for free.
Now it's too late - the Bovril's taking effect now, I'm drowsy
and all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I wrote, "Don't Buy From Here" on your outside wall
I loved this car so much man, think about it
You ruined it now, I'm freezing to death and can't do a thing about it
I can't feel my toes or I'd kick you in the nuts and you would SCREAM about
it
Without my custom your company can't even BREATHE without me
See Citroen; {*screaming*} s**t man my f**kin' leg!!! Hey Citroen, my
f**ckin' legs just snapped at the knees. But they didn't have to, you just
let me freeze!
See you don't give a s**t, you make the public suffer like as if they
f**kin like it!
Well, I'm almost at the Bridge now, Oh s**t, without no legs; how the f**k
do I get out!!
Chorus
Dear Ken, Citroen UK apologises about the late reply but we've been busy
You mentioned about our customer service, please note it is an issue.
We hope you don't think our ignorance was aimed at you
Please, as an apology, accept this balloon for you little Brother Matthew
I'm sorry I don't remember you buying your car from me , I musta missed you
Wait a minute, weren't you the guy who couldn't shave properly, I remember
all the tissue!
What's this s**t about you writing all these letters,
You live just next door to the dealership man, why din't you coma and see
us!
You're a f**king nutter Ken, I think you need some counseling
Or you just need to realise that you need to get out more to stop you
looking at old people that way
And what's all this s**t about you liking the Berlingo
You f**king nuts man, we just can't make the thing go!
I really think you need to get a Girlfriend or unless you're gay?
or maybe you just need to stop w*nking, you'll feel ok that way.
I think you need to treat yourself better I hope you get to read this
letter,
I just hope it reaches you in time before you go and by a Lada,
I think that you'll be doin just fine if you relax a little,
I'm glad you bought a citroen product Ken but why are you so mad? Try to
understand, that a part for the Shatso fan,
Can be as rare as rocking horse s**t, just don't do no crazy s**t!
I seen this one s**t on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was jacked up on Bovril and although he couldn't drive
Still tried to get out with two broken legs and now he ain't alive.
The fan on the car was a citroen one and it was broken too.
I can't quite remember the guys name, hang on it was you!
Damn
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