Mad Moe
Member
Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
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Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said. Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Alan, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear. Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella. "Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had." At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt feeling inside her that she had not felt for years. The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have? "Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish that you turn Alan, my old cat, into a handsome young man."
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and then before them stood a young man with the looks and body that no other man could match. The Fairy Godmother again spoke. "Congratulations Cinderella, enjoy your new life." And with that she was gone.
For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Alan looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning perfect man she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath, "Bet you regret having my business chopped off now, don't you?
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A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her
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A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the
counter and said "Hi, I'm lookin' for a job."
The man behind the counter paused, then replied "Your timing is amazing.
We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nympho daughter. You'll have to drive around in
a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this
job, meals will also be provided and you will also be
required to escort the young lady on her overseas holidays. The salary
package is £200,000 a year."
The scouser said "Nah, you're bullsh!tting me!".
The man behind the counter said "Well you fuckin' started it!"
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Adam-CorsaC18s
Member
Registered: 7th Apr 03
Location: Royston, South Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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hahaaha cool - any more?
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Mad Moe
Member
Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
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Fogot this one
There were 3 pregnant women waiting in a doctor's office.
They started talking and one women said, "I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I'm going to have another girl."
One of the other ladies said, "I'm going to have a boy, I was on the top."
The last lady started to cry.
The two other ladies asked, "Why are you crying?"
She replied, "I'm going to have puppies!!!"
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