big eck
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Registered: 20th Apr 03
Location: Tullibody. Drives - Audi B8 S4 & Fiesta Zetec-S
User status: Offline
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A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, calling him an idiot, etc.
So he says that he will wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play. A guy walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. The octopus starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his £50. Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Dizzie Gillespie. So the man pays his £50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look. "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can't you play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to f*ck it as soon as I work out how to get its pyjamas off."
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Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:
10."They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9."This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Tippex. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work- related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken."
2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
1. " ... in God's name, Amen."
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mav
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Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Scotland
User status: Offline
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top one is 
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leeshez
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Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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L330wnz
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Registered: 9th Mar 04
Location: Norwich, Norfolk
User status: Offline
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like the octopus one
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Pablo
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Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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1. " ... in God's name, Amen."
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Lynny
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Registered: 3rd Jan 03
Location: oop north! Where people talk properly
User status: Offline
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6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
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Smiffie
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Registered: 26th Feb 04
User status: Offline
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leni
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 02
User status: Offline
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Just sent this to all the top seniors at our place! I fell asleep the other week and all keep taking the piss out of me, so may as well join them
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Jason Iles
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Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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im dissapointed i opened this thread expecting to see ross and his punto 
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