chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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Q: What's pink and hard?
A: A pig with a flick knife.
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: Why do seagulls have wings?
A: To beat the gypsies to the tip.
Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So fat women can get laid too.
Q. How do you get three little old ladies to say the "F" word?
A. Have a fourth one yell "Bingo!"
Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with a hooker?
A: Your last blow job.
Q: Why did god create women?
A: Because dogs can't get beer out the fridge.
Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
Q: What's the difference between a woman from Wigan and a walrus?
A: One's got a moustache and smells of fish and the other lives in the sea.
Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled "coping with darkness"
Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of the dog.
Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.
Q: What's the difference between PMT and BSE?
A: One's mad cow's disease and the other's an agricultural problem.
Q: Why was the washing machine laughing?
A: Because it was taking the piss out of the undies.
Q: What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
A: Pat
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: What's got four legs, and goes "Woof"?
A: Piper Alpha.
Q: How do you make a dog drink?
A: Put it in a liquidizer.
Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.
Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler.
Q: What's got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog..
Q: What do you do if your boiler explodes?
A: Buy her some flowers.
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
Q. What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
A: Patient..!!
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TNM
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 04
Location: Nottingham Drives: VW Tiguan
User status: Offline
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lol at this one! Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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purple_corsa_gls
Member
Registered: 25th May 04
Location: Near Sunderland
User status: Offline
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Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the sh*t out of the dog
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lil miss kinky
Member
Registered: 16th Jun 04
Location: Sutton-on-Hull, Kingston upon Hull
User status: Offline
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Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: The Post Office queue on Thursday mornings.
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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A Man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
A Woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need
A Woman worries about the future until she gets a husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful woman is one who can find such a man
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.
The man says "Oh just a beer".
The bartender asked the man "Whats wrong,why are you so down today?".
The man said "My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would'nt talk to me for a month".
The bartender said "So whats wrong with that"?
The man siad "Well the month is up tonight".
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
User status: Offline
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Female Training Seminars1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
6. The Seven-Outfit Week
7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"
8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You"
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"
16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels
20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock"
24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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some classics
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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bun
Member
Registered: 6th Oct 03
Location: Adel, West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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fpmsl
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dirtydan
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 03
Location: Canvey, Essex Drives : Corsa Sport
User status: Offline
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quote:
Q: What's got 500 legs and no pubic hair?
A: The front row at a Boyzone concert.
Rofl
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si_reading
Member
Registered: 5th Apr 03
Location: Macclesfield, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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[Edited on 13-08-2004 by si_reading]
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