Fonz
Premium Member
Registered: 12th May 06
Location: Newbury, Berks
User status: Offline
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not sure how dated these are but recieved via email thought i would share!!
The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons
who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who
was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was
attempting to tip a free soda out. This year's winner was a real rocket
scientist... HONEST! Read on...And remember that each and every one of
these is a TRUE STORY.
And the nominees were:
Semifinalist #1 A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed
gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and
he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and
fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister .
Semifinalist #2 Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided
to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own
aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with
their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3 A 22-year-old Reston , VA , man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot,
anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park , jumped and
hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby.
"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police
say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."< BR>
Semifinalist #4 A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems
that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake
as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was
hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5 Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the
building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power,
etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas
company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had
difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the
lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three Miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of
causing the blast had never been thought of as ''bright'' by his peers.
Now ladies and gentleman, the winner of this year's Darwin Award
(awarded, as always, posthumously):
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The
type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators
finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist... Had
somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a
solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes
an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his
Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of
road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed
and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 30
miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and
melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces
usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners,
causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted
the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road
surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and
impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened
crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not
recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were
extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed
from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed
of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on
the ground.
You couldn't make this stuff up, could you?
AND PEOPLE JUST LIKE THIS ARE STILL ALL AROUND US AND CAN VOTE - SCARY,
ISN'T IT?
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Theham85
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
User status: Offline
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Classic
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nik
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 00
User status: Offline
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Imagine going past a traffic cop at 420mph
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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VTEC kicked in
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Beardo
Member
Registered: 19th Oct 04
Location: Kelsall, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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if you watch the darwin awards film they have made a reconstruction of that jet engine one, quite funny..
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baza31
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: yorkshire
User status: Offline
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why would you bother? 420mph in a chevvy imagine coming down the other lane and seeing him go past at that speed
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phil_sutton
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 07
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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The darwin awards are amazing, natural selection is where its at.
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drax
Member
Registered: 5th Feb 05
Location: Sittingbourne, Kent
User status: Offline
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They tested this myth on myth busters  first episode if i recall
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