leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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DEAR SIR OR MADAM
These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and
housing associations throughout the UK
1.I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
burnt my knob
2.I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when
he put his foot in the hole in his back passage
...and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against
my fence
3.I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.
I
think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off
4.My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand
5.I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the
wall
6.Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant
7.We are getting married in September and we would like it in the
garden before we move into the house
8.I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
...50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the
rest are plain filthy
9.I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers
10.The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared
11.Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
colour and not fit to drink
12.Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces
13.Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old
age pensioner and need it badly
14.I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every
morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much
for me
15.The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,
which is unsightly and dangerous
16.Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like
a third so please send someone round to do something about it
17.I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do something about the noise made by the man I have on
top of me every night
18.Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy
my wife
19.I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but
I still have no satisfaction
20.This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we
can't get BBC2
21.My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back
passage has fungus growing in it
22.... and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I
just can't take it anymore
23.It's his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow
     
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very good