Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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To the tune of Mistletoe and Wine:
Christmas time, drunkenness and crime,
Children playing - in filth and grime,
With cars on fire - and trainees under tree
Time to rejoice - in be-ing scally,
It's a time for stealing, a time for receiving,
Knock-off gear - worra great feelin
Why pay top dollar - yer can nick it for free,
Just like our lecky, - gas and TV
Christmas time, píssups all the time
Nicking ciggies, - spirits and wine
Wearing-shell-suits and Nykees - all knocked off gear
It's great getting píssed - on someone else's beer
Its a time for drinkin - six packs of Stella
Dat yer got - from some dodgy Fella
Christmas is sound - Christmas is best
God bless our Cilla - and the DHSS
Christmas time - time to joy-ride
Then go and visit - family inside
With Dad on a six stretch - and sis up the duff
This 'City of Culcher' can get pretty rough
So next time your driving - through Liverpool-city
You may just know why - the streets look so shítty
So keep a sharp eye out - for those dodgy deals
But don't drive too slow - or they'll pinch all four wheels
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L33 LEG
Banned
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Blackburn . Drove: Dimma Saxo VTR
User status: Offline
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L33 LEG
Banned
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Blackburn . Drove: Dimma Saxo VTR
User status: Offline
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we best not do one for blackburn then 
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OFcorsa
Member
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Cheltenham, Gloucestershire
User status: Offline
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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ho ho ho
you have a lot to learn
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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PMSL those crazy Scousers
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
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i'm not amused
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Tom D
i'm not amused
neither am i
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Mistamist
Member
Registered: 16th Jul 03
Location: Gillingham, Kent
User status: Offline
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i am  twas funny
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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shelleh and Tom 
rest of ya 
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Marc
Member
Registered: 11th Aug 02
Location: York
User status: Offline
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The rhyming leaves alot to be desired
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dj_mikey_k
Member
Registered: 10th Jul 02
Location: Widnes, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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these people who belive the sterotypical portrail of us liverpudlians
are just sad narrowminded nob eads
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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here here
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Shelly
ho ho ho
you have a lot to learn
HO HO HO
does he fuck
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by dj_mikey_k
these people who belive the sterotypical portrail of us liverpudlians
are just sad narrowminded nob eads
only the internet mate
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rod38
Member
Registered: 27th Nov 02
Location: Glasgow g781lp
User status: Offline
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A scouser's standing outside liverpool station
a pro walks up to him and ask's" want a blowjob luv"
he answers" will it affect me benefit's"
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by rod38
A scouser's standing outside liverpool station
a pro walks up to him and ask's" want a blowjob luv"
he answers" will it affect me benefit's"
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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Scouse Eggs
Two Scousers riding along the East Lancs Road on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them.
He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift".
The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees.
They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough PC Plod pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies Scouse Eggs. The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look.
He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it . He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already".
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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Have been sent these jokes from a friend.
At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs.
He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed and
an obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the
gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big
Liverpudlian.
Leaning over, he cups his huge ear: "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers.
At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks
the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him
all
the way out of the bar.
Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his
seat as if nothing had happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over
another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says.
"Just what did he say to you?"
I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit
him?
A: It might be your bicycle
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
A: Because if it walked it would be mugged
Q: What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A. A Burglar
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Q: What do you call a Scouser in a tie?
A. The accused
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Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin
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Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut
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Q: What do you say to a scouser in a uniform?
A: Big Mac and fries please
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Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night?
A: What you looking at?
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Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit?
A: The Bride
On the subject of Scousers.........
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the
counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job". The man behind the counter
replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very
wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin
daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform
provided. Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided
and you will also be required to escort the young ladies on their overseas
holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year".
The scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well you f***** started it!"
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Shelly
Premium Member
Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
User status: Offline
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Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
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tis only a joke
[Edited on 17-12-2003 by Stuckey]
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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FPMSL, all of it, so true
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