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Author Alan Partridge quotage...
Robbo
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Registered: 6th Aug 02
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   9th Nov 09 at 13:19   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Textbook intercourse, thanks!

Back of the net

Kiss my face

Smell my cheese, you mother!

I don't want to be part of your sex festival!

You big spastic, you're a mentalist!
gavin18787
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Registered: 22nd Feb 05
Location: Basildon, Essex
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9th Nov 09 at 13:21   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Still love back of the net

Drives supercharged Tec with torque
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:21   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
The underground base of an evil genius... then Dr No
Tommy L
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Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Northampton Drives: Audi wagon
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9th Nov 09 at 13:21   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Jurassic Park!
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:22   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Butter my arse!
Tommy L
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9th Nov 09 at 13:22   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Ooooh mince
Tommy L
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9th Nov 09 at 13:23   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Quick Lynn, run, they are sex people
JonnyJ
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Location: Scotchland
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9th Nov 09 at 13:23   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I wish I'd be at bit more spontaneous. Sometimes I feel like going out, stealing a traffic cone, putting it on my head and saying, "Look at me, I'm a giant witch."

Alan: "How long did you put it in for?" Lynn: "8 minutes." Alan: "It's hotter than THE SUN!"

Mousse from a bowl is nice but to put it on a person is demented!

'that's SAAAAAADDDDD!

Love AP
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:24   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote


Security here is lax... I booked this under the name the real IRA.... I'd better go tell them its me... (police waiting to piounce) we have to go... crossed wires
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:26   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by JonnyJ
Alan: "How long did you put it in for?" Lynn: "8 minutes." Alan: "It's hotter than THE SUN!"
this apple pie has been heated to 1000 degrees, if i squirt it its gonna go one of 2 ways... wiother way, one fo us is goign down
JonnyJ
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Location: Scotchland
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9th Nov 09 at 13:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Robbo
quote:
Originally posted by JonnyJ
Alan: "How long did you put it in for?" Lynn: "8 minutes." Alan: "It's hotter than THE SUN!"
this apple pie has been heated to 1000 degrees, if i squirt it its gonna go one of 2 ways... wiother way, one fo us is goign down


I was just about to add that, but with correct spelling
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
thats saaaaaaaaddd you wanna upgrade, i said yeah you wanna upgrade to a new face
JonnyJ
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9th Nov 09 at 13:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Can't believe "Cash Back!" hasn't been mentioned yet
Tommy L
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Registered: 21st Aug 06
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9th Nov 09 at 13:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Up with the Partridge
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
One last thing, what time do you knock-off? Fancy going for a drink. No? Sorry just thought I'd ask
stan_the_man
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Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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9th Nov 09 at 13:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Listen to this. . . . . .

http://www.alan-partridge.co.uk/multimedia/soundclips/megamixes/Nowistim.mp3
Tommy L
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Location: Northampton Drives: Audi wagon
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9th Nov 09 at 13:31   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Dan!
JonnyJ
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Location: Scotchland
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9th Nov 09 at 13:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by corsa_tomtom
Dan!


Dan!
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
move and fire!
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:33   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by JonnyJ
quote:
Originally posted by corsa_tomtom
Dan!


Dan!
Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan! Oh he didn't hear me, I'll call him later. Dan!
Tommy L
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Registered: 21st Aug 06
Location: Northampton Drives: Audi wagon
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9th Nov 09 at 13:35   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2D3-FkoXNU
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:35   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Driving a car with bikes on the roof is not a very sportsmanlike way to compete in the Tour de France
JonnyJ
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Location: Scotchland
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9th Nov 09 at 13:40   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
"Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them."

"I'm sorry Michael that was just a noise."

"This is the best Valentines Day I've had in 8 years" "Why, what did you do 8 years ago?" "Just had a better one"

Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can't put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?

You threw a monkey into the sea!
Robbo
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9th Nov 09 at 13:41   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Aye he stole my fags - 200 duty free! He hit a rock on the way down ha!
Ben J
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Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
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9th Nov 09 at 13:46   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Dan's a great man. I was talking to him today on the phone and he was asking me what phone I have and I said a Motorola Timeport and he said 'that's SAAAAAADDDDD! you need to upgrade' and I said 'so do you to a new face!' He nearly soiled himself he said he was laughing so hard, he had Kenco coming out of his nostrils and that made me laugh... But my nostrils were clear...

Alan: How much is a Monkey?
Builder: £500.
Alan: Errr, well how much is a mouse?
Builder: There's no such amount. A pony is £150.
Alan: I'll give you £200, that's a Pony and a bag of hooves!!

If you see a family having a nice picnic in a field, with a pond, you plough the family into the field, fill in the pond, you blow up the tree and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.

Alan's accusations to farmer:

You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth, and the plums have mutated have have got beaks.
You make pigs smoke
You feed beefburgers to swans
You have big sheds, but nobody's allowed in. And in these sheds you have 20 ft high chickens, and these chickens are scared because the don't know why they're so big, and they're going 'Oh why am I so massive?' and they're looking down at all the little chickens and they think they're in an aeroplane because all the other chickens are so small.- Do you deny that? No, I think his silence speaks volumes.

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