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Author Sick Joke Thread
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:19   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Don't you hate it when you buy a new mobile and use predictive text for the first time?

Boom, Conn, Anon, Comm, Boon, Ammo, Bonn, Bono, Amon, Anno, Anom, Como, Comn...

For fuck's sake the word I want is COON!!!!
DannyB
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Registered: 6th Feb 08
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14th May 09 at 19:19   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What's better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?


Not being handicapped.
All Torque
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Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
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14th May 09 at 19:21   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What do you call a train that passes 7 stations without stopping?







Thomas the cunt.
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:23   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

There was a bomb found outside a mosque.

What stupid cunt left it outside!!
All Torque
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Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:25   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Whats the fastest thing on land?






Stevie Wonder in his speedboat.
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:25   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Why do black people have white palms and white on bottom of their feet?

Its the way they stack them when they paint them...
All Torque
Member

Registered: 17th Nov 05
Location: Milton Keynes Drives: Ford Focus TDCi
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:26   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by ShEp
Why do black people have white palms and white on bottom of their feet?

Its the way they stack them when they paint them...



ShEp
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:28   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What does an african emigrating to spain do when he gets a flat tyre?

Drowns
ShEp
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Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

According to wikipedia, England's population is 51 million of which 4.3% are black or mixed race which equates to 2.2 million people.

Now can someone remind me what yesterday's unemployment figures were?
DannyB
Premium Member

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Registered: 6th Feb 08
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14th May 09 at 19:36   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

How do you stop little children kicking their ball in your garden?





Molest them.
ShEp
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:37   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men".
So he stabs her & nicks her purse.
ShEp
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:39   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What's white on top and black on bottom?





















































Society

DannyB
Premium Member

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Registered: 6th Feb 08
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14th May 09 at 19:42   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?


Cancer
Mad Moe
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Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:42   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Lad comes home from school and says to his mum "I've got the biggest knob in the third year, is it cos I'm black?". She says "No its because you're 19 you fucking retard".
DannyB
Premium Member

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Registered: 6th Feb 08
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14th May 09 at 19:42   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What's slightly worse than finding a worm in your apple?



The holocaust
harrisp
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Registered: 15th Dec 07
Location: Derbyshire
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:42   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Why do black people have white palms and white on bottom of their feet?

Because there is a little bit of good in everybody.
mattk
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Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:42   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

you better watch out Shep, REN is gonna come and call you a racist
ShEp
Member

Registered: 9th Aug 05
Location: Dingwall, Highland
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 19:44   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote



*Re-load*
DannyB
Premium Member

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Registered: 6th Feb 08
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14th May 09 at 19:44   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains...






That's the least of your problems. You have cancer
mikenoncorsa
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Registered: 27th Sep 06
Location: Worcester
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 20:00   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

After loading the last of his belongings onto the removal van, peter andre hears Jordan shout from the shed 'Oi, what about the fucking spade?!'

He replies 'Keep the boss eyed little c-u-n--t, he's not even mine!!'
DannyB
Premium Member

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Registered: 6th Feb 08
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14th May 09 at 20:09   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Did you hear what Jade Goody is going to be doing this Christmas?




Babysitting David Cameron's son
harrisp
Member

Registered: 15th Dec 07
Location: Derbyshire
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 20:19   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by DannyB
Did you hear what Jade Goody is going to be doing this Christmas?




Babysitting David Cameron's son


will_doyle
Banned

Registered: 25th Nov 08
Location: Exeter
User status: Offline
14th May 09 at 20:31   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

My mate recently started dating older women and convinced me to do the same.

He was right. Sex with a 9-year-old is much more satisfying.
Scotty_B
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Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
15th May 09 at 11:50   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:
Originally posted by DannyB
Did you hear what Jade Goody is going to be doing this Christmas?




Babysitting David Cameron's son


loo_goblin
Member

Registered: 14th Jul 04
Location: Horsham, West Sussex
User status: Offline
15th May 09 at 12:08   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

What did Cinderella do when she
got to the ball?

A. She gagged

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