LukeS
Member
Registered: 25th Nov 07
Location: Ormskirk
User status: Offline
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Man gives his wife blood to keep her alive. Later they split up, man says, i want my fucking blood back, wife throws a tampon at him and says ill pay monthly. 
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lostboy
Banned
Registered: 29th Jan 09
Location: Durham
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by LukeS
Man gives his wife blood to keep her alive. Later they split up, man says, i want my fucking blood back, wife throws a tampon at him and says ill pay monthly.
Old as fuck that one.
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LukeS
Member
Registered: 25th Nov 07
Location: Ormskirk
User status: Offline
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I know lol
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lostboy
Banned
Registered: 29th Jan 09
Location: Durham
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by DannyB
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream was shot.
That cracked me right up.
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Benkid
Member
Registered: 16th Mar 09
Location: Wokingham
User status: Offline
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Whats the abreviation for Pontiac?
Poor
Old
Nigger
Thinks
It's
A
Cadillac
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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Scottish put downs
She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back
Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan
Had more hands up her than Sooty!
She's got a face like a dog lickin piss off a nettle
It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!
She's got a face that could make an onion cry.
I wouldn't ride her into battle.
Everyone has a right to be ugly, but she abuses the privilege
I wouldn't do her with a rusty pole
Mair chins than a Chinese phone book
She smells like an alkies carpet
She has seen more japseyes than an oriental optician
It's like shaggin a pail of water.
It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizards cloak!
she's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher
Fanny like a ripped out fireplace
Face like a sand blasted tomato
Arse like a bag of washing
She sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant
She's seen more helmets than Hitler
Face like a stuntman's knee
She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab
Like opening the window and shagging the night
She's seen more cockends than weekends
A left her with a face like a painter's radio
Fanny like a clown's pocket
Fanny like a Hippo's yawn
She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out
I bet she's got a fanny like a pub carpet
More pricks than a second hand dartboard.
Face like a blind joiners thumb
She's done more lengths than Duncan Goodhew
She's been shot over more times than Sarajevo
Even the tide wouldn't take her out
Got more finger prints on her than Scotland Yard
Handled more balls than Dino Zoff
Pish flaps like John Wayne's saddle bags
She had a pair of flaps on her like a gutted trout
A cunt like a burst couch
A face like she's been ram raiding on scooters
She's had more seamen than Saltcoats
She's seen more stiffs than Quincy !
She's seen more cokes than a bottle of Bacardi!
Cocked more times than Elmer Fudd's shotgun
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lostboy
Banned
Registered: 29th Jan 09
Location: Durham
User status: Offline
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Very Scottish them insults, ye clatty wee ned.
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mattk
Member
Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
User status: Offline
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Why do Niggers Stink?
So blind people can hate them too
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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Refreshed for OD gang.
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LukeS
Member
Registered: 25th Nov 07
Location: Ormskirk
User status: Offline
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he didn't look hard enough tut tut
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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thanks guys.
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J da Silva
Member
Registered: 10th Apr 03
Location: The FACTory
User status: Offline
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I reckon half of these jokes were made and sent whilst the poor subject of the jokes were still warm. 
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ash_gsi
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 08
Location: Newchapel, Stoke-on-Trent
User status: Offline
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whats the differance between a cricket bat and a tea towel? fuck all they both wrap nicely around a muslims head
ugly bloke walks into his local with a big smile on his face, barman says '' what are you so happy about?''. well i live by the railway and on my way home last night i noticed a woman tied to the tracks, i cut her free and we shagged all night, shagged her tits and up the arse and everything! ''did you get a blowjob?'' asks the barman 'no' he says ''never found her head''
i saw a paki drowning the other day so i noitfied the emergancy services, hope they saved him else what a waste of a second class stamp
a scottish paedophile has raised a dispute with ebay, he claims his wii gamebiy wasn't what he was expecting
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lostboy
Banned
Registered: 29th Jan 09
Location: Durham
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by ash_gsii saw a paki drowning the other day so i noitfied the emergancy services, hope they saved him else what a waste of a second class stamp
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djmattyh
Member
Registered: 20th May 08
Location: Shropshire Drives: 1.6 corsa sport
User status: Offline
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New from Andrex, islamic toilet paper, not only is there a print of a paki on every sheet whenever you wipe your arse, you get to colour him in..
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Twitch
Member
Registered: 3rd Nov 09
Location: Flitwick, Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by mattk
Why do Niggers Stink?
So blind people can hate them too
LMFAO!!!
[Edited on 05-11-2009 by Twitch]
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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Does anyone else think Madeline McCann is secretly the Stig?
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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New Fairy Liquid advert filmed in Liverpool:
''Mummy why are your hand's so soft''
''Because I'm only 14, now shut the fuck up and eat your Pot Noodle''
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fazza
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 08
Location: Plymouth
User status: Offline
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up
Im bored at work 
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ashleh
Member
Registered: 23rd Dec 08
Location: Nottingham
User status: Offline
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I think it's totally unfair that I have to pay Ł4.50 for four passport photos when all I want is one.
At least if I was Chinese I could sell the other three to my mates.
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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Fucked a bird with exzma last night
She had cracking tits
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lostboy
Banned
Registered: 29th Jan 09
Location: Durham
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by pip308
Fucked a bird with exzma last night
She had cracking tits
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by pip308
Fucked a bird with exzma last night
She had cracking tits
Just choked on my tea then
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Seriously?
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GF-91
Banned
Registered: 8th Jul 09
Location: Burnley!
User status: Offline
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at the cracking tits.
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