mattk
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Registered: 27th Feb 06
Location: St. Helens
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quote:
Originally posted by Tommy L
quote:
Originally posted by mattk
I think there is a large difference between a one off fuck and another relationship
both a kick in the bollocks like but 2 very different kettles of fish
I agree to an extent but it is still the same impact.
yeah same impact 100% but easier to deal with (from my point of veiw)
If it was a one off Id think "ahh piss off then you idiot, shouldnt have done that"
If it was another long term relationship Id start questioning what Id done wrong / what was wrong with me
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Ben J
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Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
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Its all very easy to have these whiter than white opinions when you haven't been there....for both sides..the cheater and the cheated.
I cheated for 2 months....worse mistake I ever made. In the end it ended, then started again, then my wife found out.
She says she knew that something was going on because I changed, and was a completley different person...and tbh I was, now its as if I became someone else for those 2 months.
My wife had always said that if I cheated i'd be out the door straight away. But we are still together. She has since told me that its very easy to say that, but when it actually happens its different, and thats why I got a second chance. As soon as she found out her trust in me went completley...so obviously i'm working on building that back up. Tbh our relationship is fantastic and I would say has improved since it happened. I've realised exactly what i've got and what i'd lose, and possibly my wife has realised not to take our relationship for granted. It needed work from both sides.
Do I regret what I did.......I don't have regrets about anything in life......
Was it worth it.....NOPE.
Would I do it again......NO. And thats for sure. Too much to lose (and I would lose it all if it happened again). It all made me realise how much I love my wife and our son. And how much she must love me to give me a 2nd chance. Tbh what else could I possibly want in life?
[Edited on 24-05-2010 by Ben J]
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Dione J
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Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
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At least he's being honest and genuine ^
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JadeM
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Registered: 9th Feb 06
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Ben, I admire your wife for being strong enough to give you another chance. I take on board what your saying about not knowing until it happens, but I can 100% say it would be the end in my case  I'm quite an insecure person as it is, if Colin cheated on me my life would be a misery there on in because I'd constantly worry that he'd do it again .... and to me that would be no life for either of us
I'm not a very forgiving person 
[Edited on 24-05-2010 by JadeM]
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Nath
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: MK
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Is that why you made Colin work on an Oil Rig full of blokes?
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Matt L
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Registered: 17th Apr 06
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depends what kind of a mood im in...
sometimes id think i could forgive depending on my feelings for the person and the reason why (if wasted and someone took advantage then there is most possibility of me forgiving than if they purposly did it).
I hate people who cheat (i kissed my ex recently an no more and hate myself for just doin that) but would never have actually sleep with anyone while still with someone.
people who do cheat i as much as i hate the thought of it and detest them, i can kind of see why some do it, whether its through a moment of weakness or just because they see it as like matt said 'one life live it' but then i go back to thinking about how the other side of that relationship would feel if they found out.
but the way i see it is if the person feels the need to cheat (again unless at the stage of passing out drunk) then there must be something wrong/ they arent happy for them to want to do it.
[Edited on 24-05-2010 by Matt L]
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N3CRO
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Registered: 12th Apr 07
Location: Sandy, Bedfordshire
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Nope, once they cheat, I'm off.
Who's to say they won't do it again?
[Edited on 24-05-2010 by TheNobleOne]
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JadeM
Premium Member
Registered: 9th Feb 06
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quote:
Originally posted by Nath
Is that why you made Colin work on an Oil Rig full of blokes?
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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i cheated, but that's when the missus lived 400 miles away in scotland.
i got tied down far too young anyway, but now feel like we can put it in the past and move on.
haven't done anything since she's been down here living with me, that'd be a definite no no. it's just wrong.
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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but yes, i don't think i could forgive my missus if she cheated. may sound like a hypocrite but oh well.
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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quote:
Originally posted by TheNobleOne
Nope, once they cheat, I'm off.
Who's to say they won't do it again?
[Edited on 24-05-2010 by TheNobleOne]
people make mistakes though.
i'd never dream about doing it again.
sure, i look at girls sometimes and think ''wouldn't mind that'', but that's a fantasy world, not reality.
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Ben J
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Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
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quote:
Originally posted by JadeM
Ben, I admire your wife for being strong enough to give you another chance. I take on board what your saying about not knowing until it happens, but I can 100% say it would be the end in my case I'm quite an insecure person as it is, if Colin cheated on me my life would be a misery there on in because I'd constantly worry that he'd do it again .... and to me that would be no life for either of us
I'm not a very forgiving person
[Edited on 24-05-2010 by JadeM]
I understand that. Believe me my wife has been strong but is still very insecure about things, which is why its up to be to build that trust back. But at least now i've nothing to hide. This was another of the reasons I quit my job because working in hotels and working random shifts, working till 3am etc made it even worse for my wife because how did she know if I was actually at work? My job was one of the reasons it was fairly easy for me to have an affair.  So at least i've removed that now.
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IvIarkgraham
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Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
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JADE - its jorg something, from hollyoaks
would you be more gutted if colin cheated on you with a man?
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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wtf mark, what kind of a quiestion is that?
do you have dreams about colin shagging another man?
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JadeM
Premium Member
Registered: 9th Feb 06
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quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
JADE - its jorg something, from hollyoaks
would you be more gutted if colin cheated on you with a man?
Haha probably not!
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Xs
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Registered: 12th Apr 02
Location: Lanarkshire
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I guess it depends on the relationship. If you were married with kids then you would probably try make it work for the sake of the kids? I dunno, hard to know until it happened to you.
Would you be with someone who you knew had cheated in previous relationships? Because although they didnt cheat on you its still similar to what you're saying jade that you might worry they'd do it again.
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Neo
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Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
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Wouldnt forgive, happened to me in the past and I wouldn't want to make it work afterwards.
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IvIarkgraham
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Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
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quote:
Originally posted by Ben G
wtf mark, what kind of a quiestion is that?
do you have dreams about colin shagging another man?
seemed relevant seeing as he works with men
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Dione J
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Registered: 22nd Sep 04
Location: West Midlands Drives: Leon Cupra Turbo
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Jade, random question - Would you let Colin have a 3 some with you and another girl?
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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I can't even be bothered to reply to this properly but in summary yes it's wrong but sometimes it happens. If my girlfriend cheated on me then i'd want to know why, if it was a drunken 1 off thing i'd most likely forgive and eventually forget but if it was ongoing then I wouldn't even want to try and fix it. However you look at, you are breaking the person you care about most's trust and it's not worth it, i've been there and bought the t-shirt and the only way i'd do it again is if I was drugged
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Neo
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Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
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quote:
Originally posted by Dione J
Jade, random question - Would you let Colin have a 3 some with you and me?
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JadeM
Premium Member
Registered: 9th Feb 06
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Xs
I guess it depends on the relationship. If you were married with kids then you would probably try make it work for the sake of the kids? I dunno, hard to know until it happened to you.
Would you be with someone who you knew had cheated in previous relationships? Because although they didnt cheat on you its still similar to what you're saying jade that you might worry they'd do it again.
Hmmm thats a hard one tbh - as it wasn't me he cheated on, but it would tell me he was capable of doing it so I guess I wouldnt trust him
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IvIarkgraham
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Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
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i wouldnt cheat myself, but i have been trying it on with a few people that have boyfriends
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Cosmo
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Registered: 29th Mar 01
Location: Im the real one!
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See I think its stupid looking at how people have acted in other relationships - as could be 1,000,000 different things going on in that particular relationship which wouldnt be now.
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
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quote:
Originally posted by JadeM
quote:
Originally posted by IvIarkgraham
JADE - its jorg something, from hollyoaks
would you be more gutted if colin cheated on you with a man?
Haha probably not!
Whats the difference? Sorry for someone so opinionated on the matter of a celebraty who probably has more offer than i've had baked beans in life.
Im with Ben, i've been there. I was playing 2 girlfriends, both with perks and minuses.
Then both found out, and I lost both
6 months later, one of them contacted me back up for some fun. That was 9 years ago. We're getting married next year. The trust thing is totally down to you and if something happened to break your trust and you can't get over it, thats your issue. Sure its the other persons fault, but its your issue to deal with.
RE my top line, so your saying if he cheated with a bloke, that would be ok, but not a girl? Why?
Its not as black and white to say "you cheated, we're over". There will be a reason, some of those reasons are understandable, and other excusses are lame.
What if you've been married 10 years, the other person is totally un-interested in sex blah blah. The other one is still human and has needs, if your not happy to forfill those needs, then the other person will go elsewhere.
Having been there and done the naughty in my earlier years, i can honestly say i'd not do it again. I lost it all, but got the best part back. Its really not worth the effort for some willy wet action. But being 19/20 odd I can also honestly say I dont really regret it as i had a good time
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