Rich H
Member
Registered: 26th Oct 05
Location: West Sussex Drives: E46 M3
User status: Offline
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 Should have know!
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Robbo_Corsa
Member
Registered: 5th Jul 06
Location: North Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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bump for old times sake!
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: koda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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Funny how times change.
Years ago, if you had a moat round your village, you felt safe.
So Raoul Moat kills one person and then goes and hides in a tent for a few days.
Anyone that's ever played COD will tell you, this is camping.
I've just phoned the police to tell them that Raoul Moat is in the morgue.
Apparently, I'm not eligible for the £10,000 reward.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.
The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."
Maybe the holocaust happened because a Jew got butter on Hitler's Toyota Yaris.
BBC News: "Man stabbed to death by cockfighting bird"
Isn't a cockfighting bird also known as a rape victim?
Subway is similar to prostitution. You pay other people to do your wife's job.
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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Statistically 1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile. Not me though, i live next door to a stunning pair of seven year olds
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by MarkSport
Statistically 1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile. Not me though, i live next door to a stunning pair of seven year olds
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mike56gte
Member
Registered: 23rd Jun 09
Location: Fife, scotland Drives: Audi S3
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Jonny Ingham
quote:
Originally posted by MarkSport
Statistically 1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile. Not me though, i live next door to a stunning pair of seven year olds
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Not 'sick' but meh.
The police have just arrested me for knocking out of the wife again. One of them said to me, "This is the third time this month, why do you keep beating her".
I replied, "probably due to my height and weight advantage, longer reach and superior footwork"
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Baskey
Member
Registered: 31st May 06
User status: Offline
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There's only 2 women in the world I won't fuck.
My mum, and one of my sisters
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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What has 4000 legs and 12 tits?
Race for Life
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SR91
Member
Registered: 21st Jun 08
Location: Lancashire.
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by stan_the_man
What has 4000 legs and 12 tits?
Race for Life
Omg thats ace, couldnt post it on facebook though!
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derick-sport
Member
Registered: 11th Sep 10
Location: Kendal, Cumbria
User status: Offline
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My wife is like pinnocchio everytime she lies i make her nose bigger
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Toby
Premium Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
User status: Offline
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I went out with a girl the other week who told me she wanted to be treated like a princess...... so i put her in the back if a merc and drover her into a wall
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How do you spot a Japanese Hooker? Shes the one in the fishnets
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I split up with my Japanese girlfriend the other day...... ah well plent more fish in the sea.
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My heart goes out to all those in japan, the last time i had 10 aftershocks i couldnt find my house either...
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Rescuers in Japan have called in Elton John, George Michael and Grahma Norton. Their ability to find a Japs eye covered in shit may provie invaluable.
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Dear Japan
Not nice being snuck upon by something you can do nothing about is it.
Yours sincerely
Pearl Harbour.
Just a few from this weeks texts
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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in all seriousness,dont send money to the japan appeal.Their all minted!I just saw a guy getting interviewed on tv with 3 boats in his driveway...
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
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How do you get a gay man to fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt
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Mattb
Member
Registered: 2nd Feb 03
Location: Under your sisters bed
User status: Offline
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Whats the best thing about shagging twenty eight year olds? ...
Theres twenty of them..
What has two legs and bleeds? ...
Half a dog..
What does Priest stand for?..
Paedophile ring in every sodding town..
Why didnt the cat eat its dinner?..
Because i nailed its head to the floor..
Christianity... Just one womans lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand..
Have any of you guys also noticed that Maddie is an anagram of I'm Dead???
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Nath
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: MK
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by stan_the_man
What has 4000 legs and 12 tits?
Race for Life
wow
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Toby
Premium Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
User status: Offline
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whats the differance between a priest and achne? achne doesnt come on a 10 years old face
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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Other than the japan jokes, all that have been posted are already in this thread...
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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An african just came up to me begging for Money, I kindly told him no, and he burst out into tears!
Fucking emotional black male.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Racism Warning, I am not racist, just enjoy a good joke be it racist or not.
A blind black man come up to me in town earlier and said ''Any change mate?''
I replied ''Nope, you're still a nigger''
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Pip308
Other than the japan jokes, all that have been posted are already in this thread...
People arent going to look through 24 pages before posting though are they
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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They should :-( keep looking In ready for a giggle and then it's like, oh...
Lol
I was lying next to my new girlfriend and I said, "you're different to all the other girls I've slept with.
"She said, "that's because I'm a bloke, you twat.
"Thats what I love about Martin... She's got a great sense of humour.
[Edited on 17-03-2011 by Pip308]
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Start posting jokes and other people might do to 
Moan about people re-posting and saying there is nothing new, will only make people not want to post.
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Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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Me and my mate like to rate girls out of ten...
The best thing is, to passers-by it just sounds like we are trying to guess their age.
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Bissmire
Member
Registered: 30th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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Nice
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