Pip308
Member
Registered: 25th Oct 07
Location: Basingstoke Drives: Audi A4 Avant, Mk1 Caddy
User status: Offline
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Fucking police. The woman over the road stands naked in her window watching me having a wank and I'm the pervert?
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Budgie
Member
Registered: 2nd Dec 09
Location: Basingstoke
User status: Offline
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 thats a new one phil
edit: the one about guessing age.
[Edited on 17-03-2011 by Budgie]
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Ingham
Banned
Registered: 9th May 08
Location: Burnley, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Me and my mate were rating girls out of 10. He didn't look too impressed when I gave the Japanese girl an 8.9
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Norcy91
Member
Registered: 15th Sep 08
User status: Offline
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A man gets raped by an Elephant, doctor says "an Elephants penis is 4 inches wide and your arsehole has been stretched to 10 inches, how do you explain that?"
Still crying the man replys "it fingered me first!"
With hindsight I should have posted my facebook status as "I have blown the head gasket on my 1998 Ford" rather than "i've just fuck a 13 year old Escort" Still, I don't get out enough and a few hours at the police station made a change!
Two irish men are hammering floorboards down in a house - Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down and throws it away. He carries on doing this until Murphy says "Why are you throwing them away?" "Because they're upside down!" says Paddy. "You daft cunt" replies Murphy "Save 'em for the ceiling!"
Cheryl Cold, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trips, falls forwards and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls her knickers down, and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse he turns to Louis and says "Your turn" Louis starts crying. "Whats wrong?" says Simon. Louis sobs "My head won't fit in the railings."
[Edited on 18-03-2011 by Norcy91]
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Ste
Premium Member
Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Taif, Saudi Arabia
User status: Offline
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12775389
I would rather lose by a mile because i built my own car, than win by an inch because someone else built it for me.
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John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
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It's just different types of humour, same as everything else in the world, there's a lot of variety.
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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For just £35 a month.
You, can provide a child with unlimited text messages and 500 minutes.
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
User status: Offline
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Mosquito net: £12
Fresh water supply: £500
A starving African child: Riceless
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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That'll teach Bin laden to install the 'Facebook Places' app
What does Osama bin Laden have in common with a penis?They both have a hole in their head.
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Marbro
Member
Registered: 1st May 11
Location: South Africa
User status: Offline
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stolen from sikipedia
"Doctor, I can't work out what's wrong with me!"
"You've got aids."
Somehow, the African version of House just wasn't quite as gripping.
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Jambo
Member
Registered: 8th Sep 01
Location: Maidenhead, Drives: VXR Arctic
User status: Offline
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Ojc
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 00
Location: Reading: Drives : Clio 197
User status: Offline
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Simon Weston's having a get together for all of his fellow burns sufferers from the Falklands conflict - details at www.friendsreignited.com
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LukesCorsaSXi
Member
Registered: 2nd Jan 11
Location: Sheffield
User status: Offline
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Dunno if it's been said but...
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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nick_sri
Member
Registered: 5th May 09
Location: Crewe , Cheshire
User status: Offline
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a jewish man walks into asda and slaps his circumsissed cock on the counter and says " i bet you cant roll that one back"
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by LukesCorsaSXi
Dunno if it's been said but...
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What's worse than 10 babies in a bin?
1 baby in 10 bins.
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thomson
Member
Registered: 18th Jan 11
Location: scotland
User status: Offline
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what the worst thing about kissing a bald pussy?....
nappyrash...
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Phillips_91
Member
Registered: 20th Jan 10
Location: Blackpool. Drives: Sapphire Black Mk4 Astra 1.8
User status: Offline
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bump?...
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craig-dodd
Member
Registered: 6th May 09
Location: Flintshire
User status: Offline
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how do you know when your sister is on her period?
you can taste it on your dads dick
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stan_the_man
Member
Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between a dumper load of sand and a dumper load of dead babies?
You can't unload a dumper load of sand with a pitchfork!
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craig-dodd
Member
Registered: 6th May 09
Location: Flintshire
User status: Offline
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what does a pork pie and a OAP's fanny got in common?
you have to bite through the crust and lick through the slime to get to the meat
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Jakey
Premium Member
Registered: 4th Jun 07
Location: Sandbach
User status: Offline
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Rihanna says whips and chains excite her.
I doubt her ancestors felt the same way.
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mon3y1
Member
Registered: 20th Aug 11
Location: Margate, Kent
User status: Offline
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lol
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Phillips_91
Member
Registered: 20th Jan 10
Location: Blackpool. Drives: Sapphire Black Mk4 Astra 1.8
User status: Offline
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"You're under arrest for impersonating a police officer."
"That's ridiculous! I was simply beating the nigger for my own amusement."
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nick_sri
Member
Registered: 5th May 09
Location: Crewe , Cheshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Phillips_91
"You're under arrest for impersonating a police officer."
"That's ridiculous! I was simply beating the nigger for my own amusement."
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