Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get
me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been
living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.
What is nasal sex?
Fuck nose.
I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen, ungrateful
bleeders, all I said was, 'hurry up for fucks sake, some of us have got
homes to go to!'
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big
fat bird who doesn't gobble anymore.
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting
your bloody tee ready!
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching tv when I heard my wife's
voice from the kitchen, 'what you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or
lamb?'
I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'
She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'
Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.
Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.
Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!
Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small
white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.
In an Indian restaurant last night having a meal, waiter came over and
says, 'Curry Ok?'
I said, 'go on then, just one song then bugger off'
I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn
cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'
Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom
machine. They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert
£2 and push knob in'.
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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10 years billions of dollars, new equipment and the death of hundreds of soldier's, But the Americans finally found Osama Bin Laden.....
In his house.
[Edited on 09-05-2011 by MarkSport]
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andys sxi
Premium Member
Registered: 19th Jan 06
Location: Chester Drives:Scirocco tdi bluemotion
User status: Offline
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what does kate middleton have in common with Osama Bin Larden?
last week they both had their back doors smashed in and were shot in the face by a bloke in the navy
April 08 feature car
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nick_sri
Member
Registered: 5th May 09
Location: Crewe , Cheshire
User status: Offline
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two rats in the sewer, first rat says to the other im sick of shit for breakfast , sick of shit for lunch and sick of shit for tea . the second rat says cheer up we can go on the piss later
Father O'Reily lets the kids of the parish shave his hair of for charity. afterwards he was asked how he felt. He said "it feels a bit strange but i think it makes my cock look bigger".
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IvIarkgraham
Premium Member
Registered: 27th Mar 04
Location: Ellesmere Port, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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My mate got sacked from b&q the other day for knocking out an african woman. They need to be clearer when they say go find a black and decker
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Your mum is so bald when she wears a turtle neck she looks like a roll on deodorant.
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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What did one gay sperm say to the other?
"how are we suppose to find an egg in this shit"
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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Tomnova16
Premium Member
Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Woman goes to the police station
"I've been graped" she says
"Don't you mean raped" said the policeman.
"No, there was a bunch of them"
http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
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deano87
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline
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Just been hit over the head with a power tool.
Was minding my own business. Then bosch.
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baza31
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: yorkshire
User status: Offline
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SAD NEWS
just heard our local Muslim optician has died...
Asif Eyecare...
I've arrived in Switzerland for my supervised suicide. I got here just in time for the welcome breakfast ..... The sick bastards are serving Cheerios !!
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Jord16vSport
Member
Registered: 3rd May 08
Location: colchester essex
User status: Offline
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My Mrs said in bed last night ' if you turn the bedside lamp off i'll take it up the arse!'.
Wow! Did she scream! I think i should have let the bulb cool down a bit first.
[Edited on 11-02-2013 by Jord16vSport]
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