Danny P
Member
Registered: 20th Nov 02
Location: Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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My name’s Roy Carrol & that’s no joke,
I’ve got a girl’s name but I’m really a bloke,
I’m dodgy at shot stopping & at crosses a bit suspect
If you think I’m a raving homo, you’re totally correct!
My names Tim Howard & I’m from the states,
I had to change continent coz I’ve got no mates,
I’ve got torettes syndrome & I’m f**king obscene,
& I can’t say a f**king b*****d sentence that’s f**king clean!
I’m the world’s worst swearer or so I thought,
Until I listened to the Gaffer’s after-match retort!
His nose is red but he turns the air blue,
I never knew such swearwords existed but then I bet neither did you!
My name’s Phil Neville I’m a loud mouth Manc,
My football skills aren’t worth half a w**k,
A well c**ky b*****d & ugly at that,
& I play for Man U so I must be a t**t!
My name’s John O’Shea & I play at the back,
I look like a lemon & I wish I was black,
I’m shagging the boss but don’t tell the guys,
I’ve been waiting for sir Alex to rise!
My name’s Silvestre & I’m a defender,
A big girl’s blouse & a raving bender,
I like to go in public toilets & masterbate,
Alex only signed me coz I’m a reprobate!
My name’s Wes Brown what’s happening brother,
,
I can’t find a bird with less than four holes,
& I having some trouble scoring more than own goals!
My names Gary Neville & Phillips my brother,
But we look totally different cos we’ve a slag of a mother,
I’m just as pig ugly, which makes me quite sad,
At least I’m not Neville Neville like my moronic dad!
My name’s Rio & I’m a long streak of sh**e,
I spend most of the day as high as a kite,
The F.A came to test me but I forgot,
Coz of the amount of pills I’m taking, my memory’s shot,
But I’m not that bothered that this I did miss,
Coz they’re just like everyone else –just come to take the p**s,
My name’s Kleberson & I’m always having a tug,
Mind you I’m on 50 grand a week so who’s the mug?
I came to the premiership for lots of money & an easy ride,
It’s certainly the case with Keano’s c**k stuck up my backside!
My name’s Butt coz all I produce is sh*t,
Another wingeing knob head, a right f**king t*t,
By name by nature, I like to take it up the rear,
All the lads like to have a go & interfere!
My name’s Paul Scholes & my hair is red,
Quite straight-laced it’s often been said,
But when I finish training & go home at night,
I like to indulge in my perversion; I’m a raving transvestite!
I like to dress up in a frock, make-up & high heels,
It’s just really fantastic how this feels!
My names Roy Keane & I think I’m hard,
Basically a gypsy who likes the red card,
I’ve got no skill I must confide,
I shout at the refs a lot even though they’re on my side,
Behind this macho exterior I’m really a big puff,
I’m a giver & a taker who just can’t get enough!
My names Ryan Giggs with a head full of curls,
At school I got battered by the boys & girls,
A bit of a show off & I think I’m quite pretty,
I’m too good for these clowns I should be at Man City!
Well my names Ronaldo-but not the famous one,
I’m a pretentious motherf**ker who takes it up the bum,
I wear white boots, I’m guaranteed to annoy,
Anytime any place, the teams very own rent boy,
But it’s not just on my team mates that I go down,
It’s also in the penalty area that I’m renown,
I spend most of the match rolling on the floor,
Rubbing my precious waxed legs & pretending they’re sore!
My names Forlan & I’m sure you’ve heard,
I’m also called Diego & I look like a t*rd,
I come from the Argentine & my mother was a whore,
& from 5 yards I couldn’t hit a f**king barn door!
I’m a teenage upstart & my name’s Chadwick,
If you look at my face you’re bound to be sick!
You’ll feel so nauseous it’ll make you puke,
That’s why my parents at the zoo called me Luke!
I’m a spoilt b**tard & I can play up front,
But have you ever seen an uglier c**t,
I’m riddled in acne but it might be the pox,
I could eat a roast dinner through my mum’s letterbox,
Not so long ago after we won the cup,
I ruined the team photo by simply turning up!
My name’s Van the man & I score lots of goals,
An arrogant f**ker loads better than Scholes,
I’m better than Owen & Henry is a bender,
Who loves shoving his c**k up Arsne Wenger!
I lead the front line & I’m a great big ponce,
I interfere with children coz I’m a f**king nonce,
Playing at Old Trafford really is like heaven,
As we’ve so many supporters under the age of seven!
My name’s Ole Gunner, I look like a kid,
I turned down the chance to become a white Yid,
I hardly ever play but I never complain,
More C**kney’s see me up here than if I moved to the Lane,
I just can’t be bothered can’t you see,
Two minutes work a week is enough for me!
To me it makes it much more worthwhile,
To persue my hobby as a pedophile!
We are the referee’s, always Man u’s best player,
With us in charge, the other teams haven’t a prayer,
We let those boys cheat & foul & we really don’t mind,
But don’t complain to us coz we really are blind!
So when Keano kicks their k**ckers up in the air & you’ve something to say,
Save your breath, we’re just like Ferguson-always looking the other ****ing way!
But don’t think other teams can get away with the same,
Coz that we’ll always notice & we always know who to blame,
We help them win silverware & that’s no stunt,
You see under this uniform we’re just a biased vindictive c**t!
My name’s Alex Ferguson & they made me a knight,
I don’t know why coz I’ve a mouth like a sewer-full of sh*te,
I’m not as good as Revie, Shanks, Paisley or Clough,
But to get a gong you’ve got to offer money & money enough,
I’m constantly moaning about the referee’s,
But I’m a paying customer-you should see the size of their bribery fees!
I’m a typical sweaty, a sour faced f**k,
But beneath this charade I’m as common as muck!
So this is the end of the Red Devil’s song,
But hey! Wait a minute-the referee’s just added another 5 minutes on!
Now there’s opportunity abound,
To get in the penalty area & roll around!
We’re the most hated in Europe, the most detested in the world,
That’s why it’s in China most of our shirts are sold,
Our stadium is known as the ‘Theatre of wet dreams’
Coz refs make so many w**k decisions against opposing teams!
This is the reason why we’re the team the public most hate,
Our sheer arrogance to believe everyone else is second rate,
We never lose to a better team,
Always the ref’s fault or some other extreme!
No one plays better on any day,
When they do we never admit that anyway,
The league has 15 other United’s but we think we’re the only one,
By our sheer ignorance the rest we do shun!
It’s not in Manchester that our fans reside
They’re all glory hunters just along for the ride
They like the idea of winning all the time but they’re not local,
They know f**k-all about football but are very vocal,
At the end of the day we know why Ferguson always looks so glum
Because we know we are, we know we are, we know we are we’re scum
Personal fav line has to be:
My name’s Wes Brown what’s happening brother, I’m not quite black but a very strange colour
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