Mad Moe
Member
Registered: 14th Jun 01
Location: Northumberland
User status: Offline
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Hope you Enjoy these
David Beckham was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. Posh
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to
pay
the
high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one
of the shopkeepers, David shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch
my
own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck
out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, David and Posh turned
and
headed for the swamps, set on catching an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots
Becks standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he
sees
a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He takes aim,
kills
the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp
bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper
watches in amazement. Just then Becks flips the alligator on its back,
and
frustrated, shouts out, 'AAGGHHHH, this one isn't wearing any shoes
either!'
Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees
his
girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off.
Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think
you're doing?"
Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya
got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."
Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.
He says "Strewth Sheila.....Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real
sport too." And drives off.
A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is envolved in a car accident and
falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer
pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl.
Your brother from Dublin came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"
She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise."
"Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew"
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about
their sons.
My son was born on St George's Day," commented the Englishman. "So we
obviously decided to call him George."
"That's a real coincidence," remarked the Scot. "My son was born on St
Andrew's Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew."
"That's incredible, what a coincidence," said the Irishman."Exactly
the same thing happened with my son Pancake."
There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their
teenage daughters.
The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the
other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I
didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room
the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry
about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a c*ck."
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their
teenage daughters.
The Englishman says " I was cleaning my daughter's room the
other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I
didn't even know she smokes".
The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room
the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry
about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a c*ck
I got that on a txt while bak, was worded different tho!!
b-jesus i didn't know she had a cock
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