*JonnyG*
Member
Registered: 2nd Jun 08
Location: Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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addy & Mick go to London to donate sperm.
It was a disaster!
Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!
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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.
Paddy ordered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!'
Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!'
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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Paddy replies 'I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!!'
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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'
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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want don't you?'
'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!'
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Q. Whatʼs a Catholic priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?
A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
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Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.
He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
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Paddy's chat up lines:
1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos youʼre special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just can't hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Every time I think of you my nuts tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away!
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Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says 'Ta hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies I've put the dog in our garden; lets see how they like it!'
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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones!'
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Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'
Paddy says 'Whats his name?'
Mick replies 'Miles from London !'
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stu_c
Member
Registered: 11th Dec 07
Location: Westleigh, Greater Manchester
User status: Offline
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ok ok
paddy is on a bus, when i young woman starts breast feeding her baby.
'COME ON' she says 'IF U DONT WANT IT I WILL GIVE IT TO THAT MAN OVER THERE!!'
10 mins past and she says to the baby 'COME ON!! IF YOU DONT WANT IT MUMMY WILL GIVE IT TO THAT MAN OVER THERE!!'
paddy looks over and says
'FOR FUCK SAKE MAKE YOUR FUCKIN MIND UP I SHOULD HAVE GOT OFF 3 STOPS AGO!!!!!'
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alan-g-w
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 07
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Couple of belters there
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andy1868
Member
Registered: 22nd Jun 06
Location: Burscough, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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i call racism on that 
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stu_c
Member
Registered: 11th Dec 07
Location: Westleigh, Greater Manchester
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by andy1868
i call racism on that
on what?
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andy1868
Member
Registered: 22nd Jun 06
Location: Burscough, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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anything you want
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daymoon
Premium Member
Registered: 1st Aug 08
Location: Selby, North Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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few good ones!! good read before going to bed!
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stu_c
Member
Registered: 11th Dec 07
Location: Westleigh, Greater Manchester
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by andy1868
anything you want
sound like my girlfriend!!!!!
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andy1868
Member
Registered: 22nd Jun 06
Location: Burscough, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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how do you know i'm not?
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stu_c
Member
Registered: 11th Dec 07
Location: Westleigh, Greater Manchester
User status: Offline
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shit dont say that!!!
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evans_corsab
Member
Registered: 23rd Sep 08
Location: Cheshire.
User status: Offline
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Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.
Paddy says 'Ta hell with this!' & storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'
Paddy replies I've put the dog in our garden; lets see how they like it!'
ahahhaha thats so stupid its funny
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