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FruitBooTeR

Member

Registered: 18th Jan 07
Location: Wolverhampton Drives: S15
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 13:43

Just been sent this at work you know the sort of emails if you work in an office.....

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely, The Management

nathy_87

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Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 13:47

B3KAN

Member

Registered: 15th Feb 07
Location: Inverness, Highland
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 13:50

Nick-S

Member

Registered: 3rd Mar 04
Location: Leigh. Drives: RS Megane 230 F1 Team R26
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 13:52

Nath

Member

Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: MK
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 13:54

Brabus

Member

Registered: 25th Oct 07
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 13:55

I dont think IS would be too happy if i sent that round at work.

sampayne21

Member

Registered: 3rd Sep 08
Location: Sidcup Kent Drives: BMW E46
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 14:04

Neo

Member

Registered: 20th Feb 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 14:09

Sent around

sand-eel

Member

Registered: 15th Mar 07
Location: carluke/braidwood--IRNBRULAND
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 14:56

*JonnyG*

Member

Registered: 2nd Jun 08
Location: Lincolnshire
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 14:57

Lmfao! awesome.

dannymccann

Member

Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 17:22

deano87

Member

Registered: 21st Oct 06
Location: Bedfordshire Drives: Ford Fiesta
User status: Offline

10th Feb 09 at 17:27

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