csweatherston
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Registered: 16th Jan 06
Location: Devon
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Hi.
Just get a text from my old man that my grandad died at 16:10 (mothers father)
we wernt all that close... although im upset, being family... im not going to break down crying etc.
However my mother is/ was very close and held him as he died.
shes due back from the hospital around 5ish, whats the usual protocall?
Do i get her a card?... flowers?. cook her dinner?
quick advice appreciated/ words of wisdom etc.
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DannyB
Premium Member
Registered: 6th Feb 08
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Flowers, give her a big hug too 
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jibjob
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Registered: 6th Apr 08
Location: Elworth, Cheshire
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Everyone deals with it differently mate just play it by her reactions.
Just when she gets in offer a hug or something to let her know your there for her. Then get her to sit down and make her a brew and maybe a sandwich or something small to eat.
Just ask her simple things like if she's ok. Obviously the answer will be no but it shows you care etc.
You will be able to tell if she wants to talk about it or not and then just go from there.
Ive found the worst thing though is silence as it makes you think about things so make sure the TV is on and people are talking etc.
Hope this helps mate
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Gareth F
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Registered: 16th Jan 08
Location: Location Location
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The above couldnt be more true.
Just be there for her 
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SnK
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Registered: 2nd Mar 09
Location: Yeadon, West Yorkshire
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Take a few days off work, just because you can. Comfort your mum, do the washing up, offer to cook a meal(even if it is beans on toast), make her a cuppa. Theres the things i'd do.
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csweatherston
Member
Registered: 16th Jan 06
Location: Devon
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cheers for the advice, that sounds spot on jibjob.
Im already on leave till Monday, so ill be around the home.
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jibjob
Member
Registered: 6th Apr 08
Location: Elworth, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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No problem mate
Ive lost mates and family members so i know how it affects other people but just remember even if its not affecting you now the sight of other people you love being upset might have an effect so its good for you to talk aswel. Being there for her will make the world of difference but dont take it all on yourself. Plus if you ever need to get stuff off your chest to make it easier for you the wonderful world of corsasport will always be here
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Generation
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Registered: 7th Jul 09
Location: Essex
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Sorry, you got a text? I'd be pissed off with that alone, above advice is spot on though
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Gareth F
Member
Registered: 16th Jan 08
Location: Location Location
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I think the initial cry happens quite soon and then it will get better.
I know someone who has never cried or left it to rest and its two years on and they are still not over it.
Every one is different, i visit graves to remember and embrace memories but other i know refuse to go.
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pow
Premium Member
Registered: 11th Sep 06
Location: Hazlemere, Buckinghamshire
User status: Offline
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just be there for her.
It's a difficult time for all involved, she'll be very appreciative if your there for her
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Gaz
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Registered: 24th Aug 03
Location: Widnes, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by pow
just be there for her.
It's a difficult time for all involved, she'll be very appreciative if your there for her
and if she looks like she is in need of a hug, don't hesitate to comfort her. she will be glad of a comforting person.
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Ben G
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
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sorry to hear that mate. don't worry if you don't feel like crying.
i felt the same when my great nan died, then cried my heart out at the funeral. that was 10 years ago and even now, some nights i think about the good times and shed a tear. i'm just a big softie at heart
just be there for your mum and let her know you will help her get through this.
[Edited on 18-08-2010 by Ben G]
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MarkSport
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Registered: 22nd May 09
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When my nan died 5 years ago I was absolutely heart broken and still am to this day.I found out when I came back from work.Was gutted as I'd been to see her the night before in hospital and the nurse assured me everything was ok.I didn't get to say goodbye properly 
The weird thing was,Although she Is my nan and I love her loads I didn't cry when I found out.neither did i cry at the start of her funeral.Its only when I looked down the hole and seen the coffin with her name on that i knew it was real.it was wierd for me as i hadnt been to a funeral before so didnt know what was what
[Edited on 18-08-2010 by MarkSport]
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Hammer
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Registered: 11th Feb 04
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Do whatever comes naturally don't be false or force yourself.
I'm not into the whole hugging, mollycuddling and crying thing personally but if that's what you feel like doing then go for it.
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Generation
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Registered: 7th Jul 09
Location: Essex
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Same as Mark above really. It never sinks in for me until I see the coffin, then it all becomes every real. m yet to cry because of any death though. Not because im a raw meat eating beer drinking alpha male, but because it's not what comes naturally.
As said everyone is different, just because somebody look ok, does not mean they won't apprecite your support
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Jay
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Registered: 26th Sep 04
Location: Liverpool
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quote:
Originally posted by MarkSport
I looked down the hole and seen the coffin with her name on
Bit off topic but wanted to touch on this bit, I was named after my uncle, James Martin, and was quite close to him, at his funeral when I looked down in the grave it was so eerie seeing my name on a coffin 6ft in the ground, anyone else had this?
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MarkSport
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Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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I've not had that jay but f**k me that would be wrong seeing that.Luckily noone in my family shares my name
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StuartVRS
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Registered: 9th Feb 03
Location: Bromley Common, Greater London
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We can all give you the advice you want but ive learnt that instinct kicks in and you automatically seem to know how to react regardless of how close you were to the deceased. I was living with my gf and her mum for a while, my gf had gone to work and i got up to get ready to be confronted by her mum telling me that her mum (gf's grandma) had passed away. I just rallied round, made the necessary calls, went and met my gf at work and had to break the bad news. Its not always what you say, its just being there that matters. Sorry to hear of your loss though.
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
User status: Offline
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Had this earlier in the year myself
Nothing you can do, people have to deal with it in their own way. just ensure your around whenever she needs a sob on your shoulder. Maybe ask about good times she remembers with him, spark the good memories.
My dad done his own thing, I couldn't help. I just made sure he knew if he needed a natter about it, my ear was always there.
It never got taken up. 
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
User status: Offline
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Just been told my uncle died This morning
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