pug306boy
Member
Registered: 6th Mar 03
Location: manchester, drives a carzone kitted 306 Hdi 2.0
User status: Offline
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".
So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself into a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".
And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.
So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
A seal walks into a club...
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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LMAO!!!
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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wacko corsaboy
Member
Registered: 29th Aug 02
Location: York, uk
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by pug306boy
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
i like this one... LMAO
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Leo
Member
Registered: 26th May 04
User status: Offline
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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Well good!
Where they from?
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Cybermonkey
Member
Registered: 22nd Sep 02
Location: Sydney, Australia
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Evisu
Well good!
Where they from?
www.jokesfornorthernerswhothinktheycancopyandpaste.co.uk
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Tommy
Member
Registered: 24th Aug 00
Location: Essex, Colchester
User status: Offline
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Tommy Cooper style
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jo_corsa
Member
Registered: 19th Jul 03
Location: Luton
User status: Offline
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i preferred the last one:LOL:
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jo_corsa
Member
Registered: 19th Jul 03
Location: Luton
User status: Offline
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Andy Stocker
Member
Registered: 31st Aug 00
Location: Herts Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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As predicted a smile was raised 
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OFcorsa
Member
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Cheltenham, Gloucestershire
User status: Offline
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I had the about a month ago and didn't think anyone would find the funny so didn't paste em...Damn you pug!
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