Jodi_the_g
Member
Registered: 7th Aug 01
Location: Washington D.C
User status: Offline
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A young lady walks into a bra store and is approached by the clerk.
"may I help you?" the clerk asked.
"yes, I'm looking for a Sunderland bra." the young lady replied.
A bit shocked by the young ladies reply, the clerk asked in a bit of curious fashion what the difference was between a normal bra and Sunderland one.
The young lady replied. "It's called a Sunderland bra, because it is exactly the same as the football club. It has no cups and no support!"
What do you call 4 Celtic Fans stood at the edge of a cliff
Tempting!
There's a Cockney a Makem and a Man U fan diving out of the plane without a parachute, who hits trhe ground first?
Who gives a toss?!
Why is a car crash better then a Mackem lass?
After a crash, you're not ashamed to tell your mates!
What's the difference between a bus full of Man U fans and a hedgehog?
A hedgehog has has all the pricks on the outside!
What do a three pin plug and Chelsea have in common?
They're both useless in Europe!
What's the difference between the Titanic, and a Celtic lass?
Only 1500 men went down on the Titanic!
What's the difference between a Mackem lass and a Mackem lad?
The Mackem lass has the higher sperm count!
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Man.Utd are good enough to win the European Cup Again." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Why do Man Utd fans stand up at old trafford
Well you would after that long car journey from Croydon
What has old Trafford and wormwood scrubs at 4:45pm got in common?
They’re both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Tributes have been pouring in over the sad news of the death of Sir Stanley Matthews last Wednesday.
Kevin Keegan said "He was a Legend...",
George Best described his talent as "Sublime...",
Bobby Charlton called him "a Brazilian in an England shirt...",
Gary Lineaker was quoted as saying "he was the last great gentleman of the game".
David Beckham said "it's a real shame. Posh & I loved his turkey drummers....they're bootiful!"
Manchester United Directors - why spend three million (25m??) on a new 3 tier stand at Old Trafford? Why not relocate and build a brand new stadium somewhere near London to reward your loyal lifelong supporters with a shorter journey home after matches.
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kerzo
Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Norn Iron
User status: Offline
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pretty good!
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Jodi_the_g
Member
Registered: 7th Aug 01
Location: Washington D.C
User status: Offline
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A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
Apparently, Glen Roder offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
Rumour has it that Villa have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.
British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.
A man desperate at Villa's current situation decides to top himself.
In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full Villa kit as his last statement.
A neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the Villa kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why.
The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
And now some none football ones
The best thing about a blow job is the 2 minutes silence
3 men are in a bar and they are reciting their love making habits from the night before.
The first fella pipes up and says, I made love to my wife last night, we engaged in foreplay for 2 hours and made love for 3 hours, then she rose six inches off the bed in excitement.
The second fella pipes up and says, I made love to my wife last night, we engaged in foreplay for 3 hours and made love for 4 hours, then she rose 12 inches off the bed in excitement.
The third bloke stood at the end of the bar scratching himself in a particular area with a big grin on his face and says, you blokes have got no idea how to make a woman rise have you's. Last night, I treated the ol girl to some slap up chinese, got her home, whipped her duds off, give the her the best serve a man could give her in 5 minutes, I jumped up wiped the ol fella on the curtain and SHE HIT THE ROOF!
A boy comes home from school late, his mother gets upset with him and sends him to his room until his father gets home. His father walks in about a half hour later and says, "I heard you came home pretty late, Why?" The boy says he doesn't want to talk about it. The father says "Come on, you can tell me". The boy says, "Well, I had sex with my teacher". The father says, "Well, thats a pretty manly thing to do. OK, you can go and ride your bike". The boy says, "I can't". "Why not?" says the father. The boy says, "My butt still hurts...."
The M.D. of a small company has two employees; Jack and Jill. Just recently the company has been doing badly so the M.D. decides that one of them must go. Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill. He asks Jill to step into his office and with a heavy heart explains his dilemma.
"Look Jill, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Jill replies, "You'll have to jack off then, 'cause I've got a headache."
A man telephones his office and says, "Sorry, I can't come into work today, I'm sick."
"How sick are you ?" asks his boss.
"Well," he replies, "I'm in bed with my sister."
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