Danny P
Member
Registered: 20th Nov 02
Location: Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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Rules of Manhood
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c) After wrecking your boss' car.
d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e) When she is using her teeth
Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten
by his mates.
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
jail within 12 hours.
If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever, unless you actually marry her.
Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
You may Fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax.
If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and
it's free.
Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another bloke in the nuts.
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
Women who claim they 'love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as
the other sports watchers.
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.
Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both - that's just mean.
Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a Mate of yours, except if
she's withholding sex pending your response.
Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights: a.
Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and
we can hit the showers!
Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both
urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
necessary.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal drunken sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no
reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake
it was.
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.
Thou shall not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange
or sky blue.
The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with
"If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2. End of
story.
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rapid
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 03
Location: Redditch, England
User status: Offline
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[Edited on 18-12-2003 by rapid]
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L33 LEG
Banned
Registered: 6th Jan 03
Location: Blackburn . Drove: Dimma Saxo VTR
User status: Offline
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pmsl
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Andy Stocker
Member
Registered: 31st Aug 00
Location: Herts Drives: Porsche 911
User status: Offline
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Don't think i'll be very popular if i do a couple of those things
namely 'If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend'
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Wolfy
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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quote: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.
To damn right. if my missis drove my car like she drives her clio 1.2...well, lets just say there would be carnage!
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Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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PMSL
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Wolfy
Member
Registered: 1st Apr 02
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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well there would, buts of car all over the road, common folk splatered over a mile.... put it this way, in gran tourismo she uses the walls to help her brake and turn corners. thats not that far off her driving in my car.
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IntaCepta
Member
Registered: 25th Mar 02
Location: Mill Hill East, Greater London
User status: Offline
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PMSL!
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