CorsaLad16v
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Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Sheffield UK Drives: VW Golf
User status: Offline
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A man walked into an bar with a cat and an ostrich. He says "can I have three beers." The bar man says "that will be £3.00 please" and the cat says "I'm not paying for that!" So the man takes exactly £3.00 out of his pocket.
The next day they walk into the bar again and he says "I'll have three beers and three pies." The bar man says "That will be £6.00 please." and the cat says "I'm not paying for that!" So the man takes exactly £6.00 out of his pocket.
The next day they go into the bar and the bar man says "The past two days you've come in here with that cat and that ostrich and paid with exact change, why?"
"Well I found a magic lamp and a Genie gave me three wishes. I wished for the exact change on those two days."
"What about the 3rd one?"
"Well that's were I screwed up! I asked for a long legged bird with a tight pussy."
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Two nuns were riding their bikes along a cobbled street - one turned to the other and said,"I've never come this way before"
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A survey of womens legs revealed that 10 percent of men preferred fat legs, 20 percent preferred thin legs, while the overwhelming majority preferred something in-between.
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What is Mary short for?
Her legs are tiny.
(think bout it  )
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What do you do if a bird shites on your car?
You never take her out again
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that'll do for now lol tiz a nice way to start the mornin 
[Edited on 07-01-2004 by CorsaLad16v]
[Edited on 08-01-2004 by CorsaLad16v]
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Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
User status: Offline
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terrible
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mjw_2k2
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Registered: 18th Sep 03
Location: Anglesey, North Wales
User status: Offline
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Jason Iles
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Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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PMSL some crackers there
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J1
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Registered: 9th May 02
Location: Bedfordshire
User status: Offline
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^^^mjw_2k2^^^
You say L plates will be gone soon, i'd be more ashamed of those NEON washer jets
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drunkenfool
Member
Registered: 7th Feb 03
Location: Hereford Drives: Audi R8 V8
User status: Offline
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I like the vauxhall sunstrip though
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CorsaLad16v
Member
Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Sheffield UK Drives: VW Golf
User status: Offline
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More Jokes to start ur day 
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A man goes into a toy shop to buy his little girl a barbie doll. He ask's the sales assistant how much barbie dolls are.
The sales assistant says, "Barbie goes to the Ball - £14.99, barbie goes to the Beach - £14.99, barbie goes to a Sleep over - £14.99 and Barbie gets Divorced - £214.99."
The man says to the sales assistant, "Why is Barbie gets Divorced more than the rest?"
The sales assistant then says, "Because she comes with Kens house, Kens car, Kens boat and half his money"
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A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After chatting with some customers, he walks over to the bartender and offers to make a bet.
"I'll bet you £250 that i can whip out my cock, and--you see that trophy over there?" he says, pointing all the way across the bar, "--i'll send a stream of piss out that'll knock that trophy right off the shelf."
So the bartender thinks to himself "hell yeah, even if he can hit that trophy, its made of lead and i glued it to the shelf my damn self."
So he thinks for a second, turns and says "you're on!"
The man whips it out, and starts going for it. He's even getting close to the trophy. Then he stops. The bartender gets excited, but the man starts up again. He's going and going, and piss is getting all over the place, but alas, all wells eventually run dry, and the man can't reach the trophy.
The bartender is overjoyed, and collects his money. Out of curiousity, he asks "why the hell did you make that bet?"
The man answers, "Well, if you really want to know... I bet that guy over there £500 i could piss all over your bar and have you smiling about it..."
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Sean and Jason were in a bar, and they went into the toilet to take a leak.
While standing at the urinal Sean confessed, "I wish I had a dick like my cousin James. He needs four fingers to hold his."
Jason looked over and pointed out, "But you're holding yours with four fingers."
"I know," said Sean, "but I'm peeing on three of them."
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Q. What will a blonde put behind her head to make herself more attractive?
A. Her ankles.
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A man walks in to a mental asylum and goes to see a phsyciatrist wearing nothing but cling film around his groin. The phsyciatrist says "I can clearly see your nuts."
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"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.....
Not screaming in terror like his passengers."
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An Englishman, Irishman and Welshman walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
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Whats black and white and can't turn round in corridors?
A nun with a javelin through her head.
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i'll leave it at that, they r gettin pretty crap towards the end lol
good morning 
[Edited on 08-01-2004 by CorsaLad16v]
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leeshez
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Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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LMFAO
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mjw_2k2
Member
Registered: 18th Sep 03
Location: Anglesey, North Wales
User status: Offline
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hey i like my car k m8 so leave it alone!! ul hurt its feelings
[Edited on 08-01-2004 by mjw_2k2]
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mjw_2k2
Member
Registered: 18th Sep 03
Location: Anglesey, North Wales
User status: Offline
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sum mad jokes lol keep them coming!!
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mjw_2k2
Member
Registered: 18th Sep 03
Location: Anglesey, North Wales
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by J1
^^^mjw_2k2^^^
You say L plates will be gone soon, i'd be more ashamed of those NEON washer jets
at least mines a corsa!! instead of a shitroen
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SetH
Member
Registered: 15th Jul 01
User status: Online
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That bar one was awful, its a blatant rip off of quentin tarantinos joke in desperado except this rip off wasnt even slightly funny. where did you find that one? others are though
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