Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
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Adult Fairy Tales
CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 0 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 20 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 50 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a
pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no
prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!"
Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, ..
Peter, Peter, something or other..."
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PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
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LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________
MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me!
Lie to me!"
___________________________________________
Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
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One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have ! sex.
"What's that?" he asked.
She explained to him what sex was and he said,
"Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp,
"What the hell did you do that for?"
"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.
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bun
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Registered: 6th Oct 03
Location: Adel, West Yorkshire
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Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
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vaux_red_corsa
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Registered: 18th Feb 03
Location: North Glasgow
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Robbo
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Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
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Dont get the cinderella one?
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Stuckey
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Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
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quote:
Originally posted by RobboSRi
Dont get the cinderella one?
#
me neither
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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Me 3, peter peter?
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Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
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yeh was puzzled when i read that too
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Stuckey
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Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
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whats a diaphram?
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Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
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^ u serious???
female condom is wot i call it
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IntaCepta
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Registered: 25th Mar 02
Location: Mill Hill East, Greater London
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but  @ cinderella
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Dave
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Registered: 26th Feb 01
Location: Lancs
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quote:
Originally posted by RobboSRi
Dont get the cinderella one?
Peter Peter pumpkin eater. Some old nursery rhyme I think.
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Cole
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Registered: 11th Nov 02
Location: eastbourne Drives:zafira sold now a qashqai
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heard the last one but he was checking for squirrels when he kicked her int he crotch
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vibrio
Banned
Registered: 28th Feb 01
Location: POAH
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quote:
Originally posted by Stuckey
whats a diaphram?
PMSL do a google search for contraception
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Matt H
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Registered: 11th Sep 01
Location: South Yorkshire
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@ ^
when we did sex ed @ school this lad thought condoms were used for putting over your tongue when you kiss a diabetic
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chris_uk
Premium Member
Registered: 8th Jul 03
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^^
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Icy
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Registered: 31st Jan 01
Location: Edinburgh Drives: Mk3 Golf Gti
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Pablo
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Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
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