Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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> >COURTESY FLUSH:
> >
> >
> >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the
> >dump hits the water and the dump is whisked away to an
> >undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the
> >dump has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid
> >being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >WALK OF SHAME:
> >
> >
> >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have
> >just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable
> >moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it
> >is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
> >avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPER:
> >
> >
> >A colleague who dumps at work and is damn proud of it. You will
> >often see an
> >
> >
> >OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPER striding proudly across the office
> >towards the toilet with a newspaper or magazine tucked under
> >their arm. Always
> >
> >
> >
> >look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPER
> >before
> >
> >
> >entering the bathroom.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >ESCAPEE:
> >
> >
> >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
> >forcing a dump in
> >
> >
> >
> >a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
> >panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flush you
> >receive when passing an unseen police car whilst speeding. If
> >you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it
> >didn't happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the
> >urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an
> >escapee. It's uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or
> >laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >JAILBREAK:
> >
> >
> >(Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a dump,
> >several farts may slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is
> >usually a side effect of a hangover. If this should happen do
> >not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the
> >bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just
> >occurred.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >SAFE HAVEN:
> >
> >
> >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can
> >least expect
> >
> >
> >visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
> >sex. This will reduce the odds of a dumper of your sex entering
> >the bathroom.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >THE DUMPING FRIENDS NETWORK (DFN):
> >
> >
> >This is a group of co-workers who band together to ensure
> >emergency dumping
> >
> >
> >
> >goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor
> >the
> >
> >
> >
> >whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET DUMPERS and identify
> >SAFE
> >
> >
> >HAVENS.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >TURD BURGLAR
> >
> >
> >A dumper who does not realise that you're in the stall and
> >tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking
> >and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work.
> >If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR
> >leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye
> >
> >
> >
> >contact. TURD BURGLARS have been known to cause premature
> >pinchage, which
> >inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >WATERMELON:
> >
> >
> >A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
> >water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
> >WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion (See CAMO-
> >COUGH).
> >ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all
> >potential TURD BURGLARS that you occupy a stall. This will
> >remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an
> >ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the dumper can
> >dump in peace.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >CAMO-COUGH:
> >
> >
> >A phoney cough, which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom
> >that you are
> >
> >
> >
> >in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to
> >alert potential
> >
> >
> >
> >TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with
> >an
> >
> >
> >ASTAIRE.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >HAVANA OMELETTE:
> >
> >
> >A load of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in
> >the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a
> >CAMO-COUGH with an
> >
> >
> >
> >ASTAIRE.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >UNCLE TED:
> >
> >
> >A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend
> >extended
> >
> >
> >lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot.
> >An UNCLE TED
> >
> >
> >
> >makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should
> >always wait
> >
> >
> >
> >to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you
> >as well as
> >
> >
> >
> >the other bathroom attendees.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >FLY BY:
> >
> >
> >The act of scouting out a bathroom before dumping. Walk in and
> >check for other dumpers. If there are others in the bathroom,
> >leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a
> >FREQUENT
> >FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you
> >constantly going into the
> >
> >
> >
> >bathroom.
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