T1NK
Member
Registered: 7th Apr 03
Location: down south
User status: Offline
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*What do you do if your boyfriend starts smoking??????
.....slow down a little.
*Why is a sex session like a game of bridge???
.....You dont need a partner if you have a good hand!
*A young couple had sex that was over in seconds. Feeling proud, the boy said: 'if i had known you were a virgin i would have taken more time.' The girl replied: 'if i'd known you'd have taken more time, i'd have taken my tights off.'
* A guy walks into a pub with his pet monkey He orders a drink. While he's drinking, the monkey jumps up on to the bar, grabs some peanuts and eats them. Then he grabs some limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto the pool table,grabs the cue ball and swallows it whole.
Watching the scene, the bartender screams at the guy: ' Did you see what your pet monkey just did? He only went and ate the cue ball -swallowed it whole!' 'yeah thats no surprise,'the guy replies. 'He eats everything in sight. sorry i'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.' So he finishes his drink, pays the bill and promptly leaves.
Two weeks later, the man is back in the pub with his monkey. As he sits down and orders a drink, the monkey jumps up on the bar,grabs a maraschino cherry,sticks it up his bum, then swiftly pulls it out and eats it. After seeing this display,the bartender 'Thats disgusting! Your monkey just stuck a cherry up his bum, pulled it out, and ate it.'
'Yeah?' replies the guy. 'He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed the cue ball last time, he makes sure he measures things first.'
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willay
Moderator
Organiser: South East, National Events
Premium Member
Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
User status: Offline
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 @monkey
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Dom
Member
Registered: 13th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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old old old jokes...but still funny although the monkey one is alot longer than that original, with it eating other stuff in the bar 
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T1NK
Member
Registered: 7th Apr 03
Location: down south
User status: Offline
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 i have more..... i'm bored
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T1NK
Member
Registered: 7th Apr 03
Location: down south
User status: Offline
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*Why did the pirate's wife have green inner thighs?
..... She was allergic to her husbands earings.
*Whats a mans most embarrassing moment?
.... When he walks walks into a wall with an erection and breaks his nose.
*A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, getting undressed, she says playfully: 'mirror,mirror,on my door make my bust size 44.'
Instantly theres a brilliant flash of light and her breasts grow to enormous proportions.Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what's happend. A few minutes later they return. This time, her husband crosses his fingers and says: 'Mirror,mirror,on the door,make my penis touch the floor.'
Again threre was a bright flash.....and his legs fall off.
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