leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45lbs. What's the
difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45minutes.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? SexualHarassment.
What is it when A woman talks dirty to a man? £3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes
pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but
You get the remote control.
What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? Hump-me Dump-me.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there
in the dark and complain.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp
knife.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How
do men sort their laundry? Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the
dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The Same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can have a cup
of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen doughnuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who ate the
last doughnut
What is the difference between a battery and a man? A battery has a positive
side.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the Biggest
boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, You
wonder where the breasts went.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is Yelling at the
front door, whom do you let in first? The dog, of course, he'll shut up
once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's
told.
I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said,
"Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and
rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
rested.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God,
I wish I had your willpower."
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45lbs. What's the
difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45minutes.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? SexualHarassment.
What is it when A woman talks dirty to a man? £3.99 a minute.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes
pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but
You get the remote control.
What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? Hump-me Dump-me.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there
in the dark and complain.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp
knife.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and
good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How
do men sort their laundry? Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the
dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The Same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can have a cup
of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen doughnuts.
Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? The woman who ate the
last doughnut
What is the difference between a battery and a man? A battery has a positive
side.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in year 10. Who has the Biggest
boobs? The blonde, because she's 18.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off, You
wonder where the breasts went.
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is Yelling at the
front door, whom do you let in first? The dog, of course, he'll shut up
once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's
told.
I married Miss Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? Divorced.
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said,
"Dust!"
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and
rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has
rested.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "God,
I wish I had your willpower."
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