Pablo
Member
Registered: 3rd Feb 03
Location: Milton Keynes
User status: Offline
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Be afraid, be very afraid!
>For those with No children - this is totally hysterical!
>
>For those who already have children past this age - this is hilarious.
>
>For those who have children at this age - this is not funny.
>
>For those who have children nearing this age - this is a warning.
>
>For those who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth control!
>The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: "Things
>I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
>
>1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom
>about house 4 inches deep.
>
>2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it
>with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.
>
>3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
>restaurant.
>
>4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
>strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
>Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
>to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
>
>5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using
>the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
>before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
>
>6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit
>by a ceiling fan.
>
>7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's
>already too late.
>
>8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
>
>9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
>a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
>
>10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract
>of a 4-year old.
>
>11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
>sentence.
>
>12. Super glue is forever.
>
>13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still
>can't walk on water.
>
>14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
>
>15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV
>commercials show they do.
>
>16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
>
>17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and very
>expensive to remove.
>
>18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
>
>19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
>not like ovens.
>
>20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20
>minutes.
>
>21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
>dizzy.
>
>22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
>
>23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
>
>24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amazing thing.
> True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the story of
> the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story
> where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials
> for his home.
>
> She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full
> of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
> build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
> do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said,
> "I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable
> to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
>25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake
>fluid.
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sassyminx
Member
Registered: 10th Jan 04
Location: Hartlepool Drives: Cossie
User status: Offline
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lmfao!!!!
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Robbo
Member
Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
User status: Offline
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PMSL yesh in thought about trying that experiment 
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Wrighty
Member
Registered: 28th Feb 04
Location: Howden
User status: Offline
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im gona try the brake fluid and bleach thing lol
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3CorsaMeal
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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i thought about it too, then read last line
ever filled a tennis ball with match heads and chucked it at someone? takes a while tho
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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Wrighty
Member
Registered: 28th Feb 04
Location: Howden
User status: Offline
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do a google search for the anarchist cookbook,some gnarly stuff in there u can try
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leeshez
Member
Registered: 3rd May 01
Location: Great Harwood, Lancashire
User status: Offline
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Coblet
Member
Registered: 26th Jun 04
Location: Camberley, Surrey
User status: Offline
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PMSL.... talking pig is a classic
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Jason Iles
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 01
Location: Bristol
User status: Offline
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wetting my pants that is brilliant
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