gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death
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Ally
Member
Registered: 2nd Jul 03
Location: Pontypool Drives: a Skoda
User status: Offline
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Ok, once and for all can someone tell me who the fuck chuck norris is?
I thought he was the guy off Tool Time but Richie laughed at me when i said that 
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Kathryn W
Member
Registered: 12th Oct 03
Location: Widnes, Cheshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Ally
Ok, once and for all can someone tell me who the fuck chuck norris is?
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GT4Brody
Member
Registered: 26th Sep 01
Location: south
User status: Offline
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he is some cheesie white american martial arts guy from some classic 80s films....
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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chuck norris can slam revolving doors
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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ROFL! :lol
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one of the corners off
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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aghhhhh i have too many
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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Chuck Norris has counted to infinity.... twice
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by --Dave--
ROFL! :lol
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one of the corners off
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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If you try to introduce your mother to Chuck Norris, she'll introduce you to your biological father.
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gwil0283
Member
Registered: 16th May 03
User status: Offline
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't
fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony
of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
Norris 182
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds
of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat
that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat
the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game
forfeited.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more "humane".
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck,
to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he
taketh away.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
"Bang!"
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he
can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his cupboard for Chuck Norris
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.
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Lawrah
Premium Member
Registered: 25th Dec 04
User status: Offline
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Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts
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Edd
Member
Registered: 8th Nov 04
Location: Glasgow
User status: Offline
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Chuck Norris has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
PMSL
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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There's no such thing as global warming, Chuck Norris got cold so he turned the sun up
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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Lawrah
Premium Member
Registered: 25th Dec 04
User status: Offline
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Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
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gianluigi
Member
Registered: 9th Mar 05
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk
User status: Offline
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Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
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--Dave--
Banned
Registered: 17th Feb 04
Location: Essssseeeeex Drives: Black Supra TT
User status: Offline
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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How can people not know who Chuck Norris is FFS! 
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