Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of t * ts in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men..
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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will_doyle
Banned
Registered: 25th Nov 08
Location: Exeter
User status: Offline
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cool
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spankyjames
Member
Registered: 26th Jun 06
Location: Corsham, Wiltshire
User status: Offline
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some goods one in there lol
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FAZ
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Nov 07
Location: Coventry
User status: Offline
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 onyl knew the small feet / sink one, genius.
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Brett
Premium Member
Registered: 16th Dec 02
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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2 favourites
quote:
Originally posted by loafofbrett
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
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FAZ
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Nov 07
Location: Coventry
User status: Offline
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i found it hard to find a favourite, they all make me chuckle, bur here goes:
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
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dannymccann
Member
Registered: 9th Aug 06
Location: Doddington, Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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I like Good bit of sexist humour does perk up a boring Friday morning 
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CorsaKen1
Member
Registered: 22nd Nov 06
Location: Grimsby, North East Lincolnshire
User status: Offline
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One of my favourites:
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
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nathy_87
Member
Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
User status: Offline
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If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
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Scotty_B
Member
Registered: 11th Jun 03
Location: East Kilbride
User status: Offline
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