Butler
Member
Registered: 2nd Jun 05
Location: London
User status: Offline
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Just an email I got I thought id share!
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just f@!*off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening to you until you fart.
4. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you actually think that nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, just try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is definitely not a sport for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit on a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgement usually comes from bad experience and most of the time that comes from bad judgement.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither of them works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you never get until just after you actually needed it.
19. We are born into the world naked, wet and hungry. Then the first thing that happens to us is we get slapped on our arse. And from then on things just get worse.
20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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