stubbsy05
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Registered: 23rd Oct 02
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Cut a long story short, back in Jan I found out my Ex of 3 years was cheating on me.
Despite me asking her about the person (her friend) she was cheating with and her saying that I was being Paranoid. I dismissed my suspicions as being paranoid. A week later we had a few people stay round, and we were sitting up late. I remmeber not wanting to go to bed incase something happened, but dismissed it as me being paranoid. I found out a week later she had kissed her friend when I had gone to bed.
Anyways we eneded relationship despite her wanting to get back and I moved on. Its the first relationship I had where ending it wasn't down to me.
Fast forward to now and I am with a girl I have been going out with since May. We are really into each other and she means a damn sight more to me than any other ex ever has. Both told each other we love each other and both think we're the one for each other.
Despite this all I can't help but get paranoid about the possibility of her cheating/meeting someone else.
Am I being a bit of a pussy about it? I know ever girl is different, but I really think I would flip out if another girl cheats on me! Being single you are in control as its just you, but putting your trust in someone else and not being able to control the consequences is worrying at times. I've never been the possesive.control freak type and think both people in a relationsip need time to each other to see mates etc.
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a_j_mair
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Registered: 23rd Jan 04
Location: Scotland
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is there any reason not to trust her?
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stubbsy05
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Registered: 23rd Oct 02
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quote:
Originally posted by a_j_mair
is there any reason not to trust her?
Had a few people shit stir with rumours that weren't true, but it doesn't help putting the doubt in your mind.
She's a genuine girl and my mates all seem to agree sehe is genuine.
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willay
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Organiser: South East, National Events
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Registered: 10th Nov 02
Location: Roydon, Essex
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if you have no reason to not trust her then yes you are being a pussy.
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
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Talk to her.
Say the issues with your ex, your quite in-secure, but want to work on it and want to trust her more, but having a hard time due to previous, and work from there.
If shes that into you, she'll help.
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stubbsy05
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Registered: 23rd Oct 02
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Just don't want to mugged off again
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
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If its real, she understand.
All got to learn to trust again. It could happen again, it might not, you just have to take the chance really. Only you can allow it to happen.
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stubbsy05
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Registered: 23rd Oct 02
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quote:
Originally posted by VXR
Talk to her.
Say the issues with your ex, your quite in-secure, but want to work on it and want to trust her more, but having a hard time due to previous, and work from there.
If shes that into you, she'll help.
Yeah we have done that. She can understand where I'm coming from and says she hates what my ex did, and can't understand how someone can be so horrible. Got quite angry about my ex actually and what she did!
I know of some of her ex's, and she never cheated on them.
I just seem to find myself questioning stuff she does, like she went to the gym yesterday on her own and I couldn't help thinking did she really? or did she go meet some other guy.
Got I sound like a fruitloop!
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BarnshaW
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Registered: 25th Oct 06
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not everyone is the same, you cant tarnish everyone with the same brush. Dont let the paranoia spoil your new relationship.
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Matt L
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Registered: 17th Apr 06
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tbh if she hasnt cheated on her ex's then i dont think she would on you... (i imagine if she was one to cheat on people she would of done it on her ex's before you).
I cant really say much as Im not one to trust people and i foolishly did trust me ex only for her to go and find someone else who she said she never actually cheated on me with, she just wanted to. (then again she had cheated on her ex's which i was told about by a friend before we started going out so i always kind of expected it)
just goes to show people dont change their ways i suppose.
think i have totally gone off on a tangent now, anywho... by the sounds of it i think you should trust her and stop worrying about it all 
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
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quote:
Originally posted by stubbsy05
I know of some of her ex's, and she never cheated on them.
Go from there then. No reason to doubt her if shes got a proven track record 
Don't allow yourself to be paranoid, or it'll end up breaking down through lack of trust. Stick with it, and if she really means a lot, you HAVE to let the paranoia go, or you can risk loosing it all over essentially nothing.
Nothing fruitloop about it, previous issues have made you like this, but issues like you've mentioned, let it go. My other half goes by herself, most girls want to be left alone at the gym to do a workout.
Build the trust, u'll break through it. Just next time you start thinking like that, reverse it. Tell yourself to stop being stupid and paranoid, actually talk and say it out loud, give yourself a slap, then do something which helps take your mind off it.
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Robbo
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Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
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quote:
Originally posted by stubbsy05
Got I sound like a fruitloop!
Why yes. Yes you do. Daimo gave the ebst advice and you say you've done that so just got to try and calm it and not get too paranois, I'm sure she will be quite happy putting up with it for a while but everyone has a breaking point
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stubbsy05
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Registered: 23rd Oct 02
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Cheers for the advice guys!
See each other everyday at present and she stays over every night. Spending tonight at her mums though, guess its good to have a few nights apart a week
[Edited on 07-10-2009 by stubbsy05]
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richc
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Registered: 24th Mar 07
Location: Ilkeston
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It's natural to feel like you are doing ATM. I've been in your situation and you find yourself referring to your ex about everything that happens. She cheated on her ex's and did the same to me, so why did I think we would be different? That's how it gets you thinking.
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
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quote:
Originally posted by stubbsy05
See each other everyday at present and she stays over every night. Spending tonight at her mums though, guess its good to have a few nights apart a week
Thats says to me she's not going no-where and is in it for the long term and certainly isn't looking about.
Personnally, i'd say everythings good and nowt to worry about there.
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Mark Prydderch
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Registered: 7th Mar 07
Location: Chester
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Not every girl is the same.
Tbh mate if it's going to happen it'll happen without you being able to do anything anyway so there's no point worrying about it and having it effect the relationship.
Best thing is to trust her fully if you can (providing she's done nothing to make you not have trust in her so far). If you do stay with her for a long time you'll only regret the times when you didn't trust her. If she cheats on you then you can deal with that at the time.
Your trust will soon grow and if she's the right girl you'll accept the points that I made earlier and the fact that she probably isn't going to cheat.
Imo of course.
[Edited on 07-10-2009 by Mark Prydderch]
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stubbsy05
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Registered: 23rd Oct 02
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quote:
Originally posted by VXR
quote:
Originally posted by stubbsy05
See each other everyday at present and she stays over every night. Spending tonight at her mums though, guess its good to have a few nights apart a week
Thats says to me she's not going no-where and is in it for the long term and certainly isn't looking about.
Personnally, i'd say everythings good and nowt to worry about there.
Yep, I think she wants to move in soon, Just sorting her money out this week so that she can pay her way!
Thanks for the reassurance guys. LIke you say if its going to happen there aint nothing you can do about it, just be myself and enjoy it!
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Robbo
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Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
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Happy days
Now that we've sorted all that palava... pics 
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sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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if she does, punch her.
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Robbo
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Registered: 6th Aug 02
Location: London
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Mazin'
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BarnshaW
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Registered: 25th Oct 06
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quote:
Originally posted by sc0ott
if she is asian, punch her.
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Daimo B
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Registered: 20th Mar 00
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quote:
Originally posted by sc0ott
if she does, punch her.
Given yesterdays post when you got flamed Burger King style, your next post reply really doesn't inspire any maturity or common sense still.
Punch her 
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