Ben J
Member
Registered: 31st Jan 05
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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With winter approaching here is advice for driving in icy conditions
WOMEN
1. Sit in the car with the engine running and the heater on full for 15-20 minutes until the windscreen is completely clear.
2. Pull away nervously, screaming every time the wheels lose traction, sit as close to the steering wheel as posible and try to fight back the tears.
3. When reachng a gritted road continue to drive at no more than 11mph, preferably in 4th gear so that the car lurches everywhere.
4. Arrive at work leaving the car wherever it stops, enter the office and cry with other female colleagues about how frightening the journey was.
MEN
1. Start the car, scrape off the ice with a CD cover so that there is a 6 inch hole in the ice.
2. Accelerate wildly in an attempt to get the speedo reading 90mph while still at a walking pace.
3. When joiing a vaguely gritted road drive as normal, weaving around any women travelling at 11mph.
4. Wind the driver's window down and turn the heater up to full to carry out an experiment as to whether wind chill can be beaten by
the heater matrix.
5. Arrive at the work carpark at a much higher speed than usual to enable a high speed handbrake turn. If possible blow the horn to
alert other men to your feat of machismo.
6. Realise that you were going to fast for the conditions.
7.Exit the vehicle and inspect damage to your car, other cars you have collided with as well as damage to curbs/bollards/bystanders.
[Edited on 05-11-2010 by Ben J]
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Daveskater
Premium Member
Registered: 29th Apr 08
Location: Oxford, UK Drives: Jap wagon
User status: Offline
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 So true.
A guy at work was saying yesterday that when it was icy at the begining of the year if was in his female friend's car going to a mate's house who lives at the bottom of a hill. Anyway, another car came the other way so she slammed the brakes on causing the wheels to lock up, shut her eyes and started saying "owey owey owey..." Afterwards she said "I thought we were going to crash so got ready"
Numberwang!
Originally posted by AlunJ
I like you Dave, you are a man of men
Originally Whatapp'd by Neo
Dave's maybe capable of a drive-by cuddle
Look at my pictures
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morpheus22
Member
Registered: 10th Oct 05
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
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my mrs doesnt need icey conditions if a bird/rabbit/cat goes infront of her car she lets go of steering wheel and screams 
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Jamie-C
Member
Registered: 3rd Jun 08
Location: Ballycastle
User status: Offline
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Hazardous to other drivers tbh Morph
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morpheus22
Member
Registered: 10th Oct 05
Location: sheffield
User status: Offline
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i have told her this many of times, i really dont know why she does it she covers her eyes if a bird etc comes infront of car while im driving
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sc0ott
Member
Registered: 16th Feb 09
User status: Offline
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No matter how fast and hardcore us men drive itd the woman that cause us to crash.
I think they should be banned from the roads in the winter and autumn months.
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GTM
Member
Registered: 24th Nov 08
Location: Kingswinford, West Midlands
User status: Offline
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5. Arrive at the work carpark at a much higher speed than usual to enable a high speed handbrake turn. If possible blow the horn to
alert other men to your feat of machismo.
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GTM
Member
Registered: 24th Nov 08
Location: Kingswinford, West Midlands
User status: Offline
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I was at work last year when the snow was bad and a women surrounded by a bunch of women was telling them the best thing to do is to drive in a lower gear as possible.
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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it's true though GTM.
i've been told that many a time. obviously keep the speed down als
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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that way you can use engine braking rather than relying solely on the pedal/handbrake.
i was a right twat last year in my focus, can't believe i didn't it anything with all the wheelspinning going on
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John
Member
Registered: 30th Jun 03
User status: Offline
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You drive in as high a gear as possible, it's for traction you drive high, if you want to use engine braking then yes bump it down a gear.
[Edited on 05-11-2010 by John]
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ed
Member
Registered: 10th Sep 03
User status: Offline
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Engine braking in the snow is all well and good until the wheels lock up under engine braking. All this manly talk about how to do it is just bant, in reality most people can't drive in the snow because it only snows for 2-3 weeks a year now.
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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well last year all i did was town driving hence using a low gear so i didn't need to use the brakes every 10 seconds.
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Ben G
Member
Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: Essex
User status: Offline
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can't say i had any problems with the wheels locking up under engine braking. i had that problem when braking normally though.
esp had to go off as it wouldn't let me go anywhere which is strange, just kept cutting power.
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Eck
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Apr 06
Location: Lundin Links, Fife
User status: Offline
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That is so true
All my cd covers are ruined. And yes, it was a 6" gap barely visable to the human eye, so that I had more hand brake turn time
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oceansoul
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 06
Location: Sunbury, Surrey
User status: Offline
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RWD car + Snow = 
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MatthewR
Member
Registered: 21st Oct 02
Location: Rickmansworth
User status: Offline
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=crash more like lol
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oceansoul
Member
Registered: 19th Jun 06
Location: Sunbury, Surrey
User status: Offline
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I didnt crash last time......
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LeeM
Member
Registered: 26th Sep 05
Location: Liverpool
User status: Offline
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i had a hire car through all the snow last year, was great.
one of the girls at work scraped a 6 inch gapand proceeded to drive straight into a car on the left
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Adam_B
Member
Registered: 13th Dec 00
Location: Lancashire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by oceansoul
RWD car + Snow =
plus engine braking down my road
quote:
Originally posted by MatthewR
=crash more like lol
well not really a crash but a funny super slow motion spin with loads of school kids watching
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Bonney
Member
Registered: 14th Nov 04
Location: St Helens
User status: Offline
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We was all messing around in the carpark at work on our dinner break. Do nuts, handbreak turns and pleanty of wheelspinning!
Got to have a play in the snow, We don't get it that often!
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Mike GSi
Member
Registered: 3rd Jan 07
Location: Ipswich, Suffolk Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
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My M3 was hopeless at any incline in the snow, quite looking forward to the snow again this year Steelies with balloon tyres at te ready
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