RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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I put a post up in the "Girlfriend problem/advice please - been cheated on
quote:
"My bestfriend is a girl I grew up with and have known my entire life; She's been seeing her fella for 2 years, he's moved from Essex at Christmas to the middle of nowhere up here, given up his life down there, friends, family, work. Relocated himself, got a good job, passed his driving test as he never had a need working in London - She turned around out of the blue last week and told him She doesn't love him as she thinks she should and boom that's it; She's been unfair on him keeping him hanging on by saying it might just be a phase - I know there's noone else invovled but I feel so bad for him; he's properly down and there's nothing he can do about it; he ends up with nowhere to live, no friend group up here as he's only just moved up and he tends to just see her friends.
Now this morning I have received a text from LeeRoy (Yes that's his actual name) and They split up last night, he's asking if he can stay at mine for a while.
What would you do, yes He's a friend but in fairness only because his now ex is my oldest friend
Cons
1 - My house is half finished, upstairs is fine but downstairs is a building site
2 - Its my house, it sound selfish, but I quite liek being there either by myself of with the new missus
3 - I'm not there every night as I go to my parent's 1 night a week and then split the time between mine and the new missus during the week
Pros
1 - I'm not a twat and I genuinely feel sorry for him so don't mind putting him up for a couple of weeks but I just don't want it to be endless
I have no idea how to respond to him
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
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Has he got money? If so tell him to get his own place?
And what exactly is "a while"?
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nick_sri
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Registered: 5th May 09
Location: Crewe , Cheshire
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if he seems like nice enough i would probably let him if i was in your situation. if your 100% its going to be a couple of weeks and dont let it drag on for months
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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precisely, I don't know how long a "while" is and He has a reasonable job but having just moved up here from the South, He has no real friend group and since coming up he's passed his test, bought a car etc. So I'd guess he's not flush with cash.
Benefit is, his work will be 30ish miles from mine so I guess he'll try and sort somewhere with a work friend closer to work.
That said, I'm just guessing,
Now Nat, his new ex has text and asked if I'd mind helping him out for a "couple of weeks" as She feels so bad
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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I think a couple of weeks is acceptable, but how do I put that in a text back without sounding harsh?
At teh end of the day, I'm in a brand new relationship and although She's got her own place too, its nice to have our own space.
I'm going to let him stay but need to cap the time scale without sounding a twat
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adiohead
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Registered: 28th Sep 01
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Is he living in her house or something?
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MarkSport
Member
Registered: 22nd May 09
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I'm with sam, He would prob get lazy when moved in and start pissing you off with little bad habbits he may have.
Personally I'd say no but another part of me wouldn't see him out on the street.
Maybe offer him a roof over his head for a week or something to make him want to sort himself out?
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
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It's not your problem - it's their break up they can sort it out.
I'm only saying all this as I speak from experience of people who I've "felt sorry for" and ended up taking the piss.
Never again!
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Toby
Premium Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
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i would let him stay for a bit, if it didnt piss her off as you are her friend more so even though she has done wrong.
However on the flip side i wouldnt do something to help her ease her guilt which is what she is asking you to do
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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Her parent's live in the middle of nowhere down a cycle track on a farm which has been converted into a tea rooms for cyclists and walkers etc. They've converted the loft space of one of the outbuildings into a kind of self contained flat for them.
Obviously, She can't move out as its her parent's place
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Sam
Moderator
Premium Member
Registered: 24th Dec 99
Location: West Midlands
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by Toby
However on the flip side i wouldnt do something to help her ease her guilt which is what she is asking you to do
This!
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adiohead
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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hmmm, It's difficult.
Tell him to look for a flat first, because that would be best for everyone.
He should really think about moving closer to his old friends and family
quote:
Originally posted by Sam
quote:
Originally posted by Toby
However on the flip side i wouldnt do something to help her ease her guilt which is what she is asking you to do
This!
and this. She doesn't deserve any help for ruining his life.
[Edited on 17-03-2011 by adiohead]
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by adiohead
hmmm, It's difficult.
Tell him to look for a flat first, because that would be best for everyone.
He should really think about moving closer to his old friends and family
quote:
Originally posted by Sam
quote:
Originally posted by Toby
However on the flip side i wouldnt do something to help her ease her guilt which is what she is asking you to do
This!
and this. She doesn't deserve any help for ruining his life.
You say look for a flat first but he has nowhere to live right now, I have the feeling he's been kicked out/left of his own accord today.
Its a shame, He's the nicest person you could ever meet, Yes he's Southern but that aside, he's a down to earth guy and She's properly messed him about
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adiohead
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
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she should put him up until he finds a place. If she had a heart she'd do this for him.
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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I've spoken to him and told him he can stay with me until the end of the month but I can't do anything at all tonight.
She's helping him to find somewhere else and is helping towards a deposit etc. It seems amicable anyway but I made it clear that He has to be out by 01 April
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adiohead
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
User status: Offline
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quote:
Originally posted by LiVe LeE
I've spoken to him and told him he can stay with me until the end of the month but I can't do anything at all tonight.
She's helping him to find somewhere else and is helping towards a deposit etc. It seems amicable anyway but I made it clear that He has to be out by 01 April
Sounds good, you're a decent fellow 
Glad she's helping him too.
Just hang a sock on the door when the gf is round 
[Edited on 17-03-2011 by adiohead]
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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He was fine about the timescale, I apologised if it came across as harsh but explained that it was better to have a clear line in the sand to avoid awkwardness later on and he agreed. Taking him to the pub with LadyB and a few mates tomorrow night; hopefully that'll cheer him up a bit!!
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Toby
Premium Member
Registered: 29th Nov 05
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quote:
Originally posted by LiVe LeE
anyway but I made it clear that He has to be out by 01 April
Wise move, how did you word it to him?
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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I don't want to come across as harsh but I thought it better to put a timescale on things now rather than have any awkwardness later on, I can help you out until the end of the month but this can't be a permanent thing so by April 1st you'll have to sort out somewhere to move to.
I thought it was a bit too forceful but at the end of the day, he can like it or lump it, I don't owe anyone a favour; I finished it by saying we could all go to the Pub tomorrow night. He's text back and said he really appreciates it and he'll find somewhere within 2 weeks
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Tom G
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Registered: 4th Aug 08
Location: Cheshire
User status: Offline
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i reckon 1st of april might be a bit soon to gather cash and can see it going on for another month...
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Tom
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Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
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Send him a link to this thread.
Ok seriously, tell your mate first but offer him 2 weeks max.
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RichR
Premium Member
Registered: 17th Oct 01
Location: Waterhouses, Staffordshire
User status: Offline
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Not my problem, 1st April he can find somewhere else, there's a back up plan for someone else he could move in with if he hasn't sorted somewhere by then
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AndyKent
Member
Registered: 3rd Sep 05
User status: Offline
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Sounds like you've done the right thing.
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