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Author jokes
scoob
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Registered: 16th Oct 03
Location: Beverley, E Riding of Yorkshire
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16th Apr 12 at 09:51   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
anyone heard any decent ones recently?
sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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16th Apr 12 at 10:00   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
How did the chewing gum cross the road?
scoob
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Registered: 16th Oct 03
Location: Beverley, E Riding of Yorkshire
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16th Apr 12 at 10:02   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
no idea
sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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16th Apr 12 at 10:03   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Was stuck to the chickens foot.
Whittie
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Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
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16th Apr 12 at 10:03   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
BarnshaW
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Registered: 25th Oct 06
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16th Apr 12 at 10:04   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering around a bloke who come off his motorbike, so I frantically rushed over

"out of the way" I shouted as I pushed through the crowd

"are you a doctor?" one woman screamed.

"no" I replied "the cunt was delivering my pizza"
scoob
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Registered: 16th Oct 03
Location: Beverley, E Riding of Yorkshire
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16th Apr 12 at 10:04   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
boom
scoob
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Registered: 16th Oct 03
Location: Beverley, E Riding of Yorkshire
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16th Apr 12 at 10:05   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I was arrested for having sex with a 15 year old girl. I thought she was a couple of years older than that.

I suppose that makes two reasons why I'm a bad father.
Whittie
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Registered: 11th Aug 06
Location: North Wales Drives: BMW, Corsa & Fiat
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16th Apr 12 at 10:07   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
With you, that could be an actual story.
BarnshaW
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Registered: 25th Oct 06
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16th Apr 12 at 10:08   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
My wife asked me to bring home some stuff for the pancakes yesterday,

she wasnt happy when I come home with a push up bra.
sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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16th Apr 12 at 10:09   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Dyslexic man walks into a bra
BarnshaW
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Registered: 25th Oct 06
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16th Apr 12 at 10:10   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I just left my wife as she goes absolutely mental over nothing during her period, its just an ovary action
BarnshaW
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Registered: 25th Oct 06
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16th Apr 12 at 10:12   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I got caught wanking while sniffing my mates sisters knickers yesterday,

It wouldnt have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time, he went ballistic.

Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us
rossnomore
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Registered: 18th Oct 06
Location: Fife
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16th Apr 12 at 10:26   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Womens rights...
Sunz
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: SE England
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16th Apr 12 at 10:27   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Car Insurance
sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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16th Apr 12 at 10:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Sunz
Taxes spent on digging up planes in times of financial crisis, well done Mr C.
Sunz
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Registered: 12th Jan 07
Location: SE England
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16th Apr 12 at 10:32   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Getting excited from some old planes.
C2RL R
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Registered: 28th Mar 02
Location: Redcliffe, QLD
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16th Apr 12 at 10:36   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
How do you make a duck sing the blues?

Put it in the microwave 'til it's Bill Withers
N3CRO
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Registered: 12th Apr 07
Location: Sandy, Bedfordshire
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16th Apr 12 at 12:05   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Sunz
Car Insurance


Tomnova16
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Registered: 21st Jan 06
Location: Gerrards Cross Drives: Porsche 911
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16th Apr 12 at 13:32   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I'm having an African themed birthday party




There's no food and the drinks are 12 miles away

http://www.lemass.co.uk/ for all your automotive/bodyshop needs
Located in Chalfont st Peter
Bissmire
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Registered: 30th Sep 08
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16th Apr 12 at 14:12   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
A man is walking past a driveway and sees a Jamaican putting up a sign 'Boat for sale',
The man looks but all he sees is a caravan and a jeep.
He goes up to the jamaican and asks, Where is the boat?
All I can see is a caravan and a jeep.

Yes mon replies the jamaican , and they boat for sale.

 
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