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Author The Unbelievably Funny Joke Thread
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
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30th May 12 at 08:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I'll start...........snigger....hee hee......chortle




I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but the toilet was out of order, so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes.


The woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, "Is that a poo in your hand?"
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
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30th May 12 at 08:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the shower.

I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."

She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"

"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're having a shit."
SteveoBC
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Registered: 22nd Feb 07
Location: Bucks
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30th May 12 at 08:37   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
whats the difference between

"no no please not up the arse"
and
"mmm mmm mmm".......



...gaffer tape!
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
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30th May 12 at 08:39   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by SteveoBC
whats the difference between

"no no please not up the arse"
and
"mmm mmm mmm".......



...gaffer tape!




Hahaha!
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
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30th May 12 at 08:55   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I read something the other day that made me piss myself.

It was a sign that said "Toilets closed"
dan_m1les
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Registered: 8th May 06
Location: Burnham, Buckinghamshire
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30th May 12 at 10:07   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Just bought the wife a new fridge, should have seen her face light up when she opened it....
JaffaTB
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Registered: 7th Oct 09
Location: Sheffield, South Yorkshire
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30th May 12 at 10:20   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
what's the difference between Peter Andre and Abu Qatada?


Peters not going back to Jordan
evilrob
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Registered: 16th Mar 12
Location: Your mum's house
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30th May 12 at 10:23   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I called that Childline the other day - it was rubbish; you could tell they were adults. I lost my erection straight away.
Ste
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Registered: 5th Mar 03
Location: Taif, Saudi Arabia
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30th May 12 at 13:34   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
www.sickipedia.org

Save you all copying and pasting!

[Edited on 30-05-2012 by Ste]

I would rather lose by a mile because i built my own car, than win by an inch because someone else built it for me.
taylorboosh
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Registered: 3rd Apr 07
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30th May 12 at 15:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Spoil sport
sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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30th May 12 at 17:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Sick joke thread a few pages back
Theham85
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Registered: 29th Nov 06
Location: Brisbane Queensland
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31st May 12 at 07:17   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by john-d
Spoil sport


Phillips_91
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Registered: 20th Jan 10
Location: Blackpool. Drives: Sapphire Black Mk4 Astra 1.8
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31st May 12 at 08:44   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Give a man a fish, and he can feed his family for a day.

But give him a canister of petrol and wait till his kids are asleep, problem solved.
nathy_87
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Registered: 14th Aug 08
Location: West Mids. Drives: Škoda Fabia VRS 5J
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31st May 12 at 14:21   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
That's not even funny.
taylorboosh
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Registered: 3rd Apr 07
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31st May 12 at 14:52   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Lol
Toby
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Registered: 29th Nov 05
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31st May 12 at 16:48   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Phillips_91
Give a man a fish, and he can feed his family for a day.

But give him a canister of petrol and wait till his kids are asleep, problem solved.


Thats grim
stan_the_man
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Registered: 14th Feb 07
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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31st May 12 at 23:18   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Mick Philpott's wife said to him, 'It's suppertime, but I'm having an early night. Can you make the kids toast?'
BluKoo
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Registered: 8th Apr 02
Location: Stonehaven (Scotland)
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1st Jun 12 at 07:48   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What's black and sits at the top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
sc0ott
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Registered: 16th Feb 09
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1st Jun 12 at 09:17   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Whats white and sits at the top of a staircase?

Stephen hawking before a house fire.

 
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