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The Member (or, in the case of Vehicle Based Membership, a person) must be with the vehicle at the times of breakdown and assistance. A valid Membership card and some other form of identification must be produced. Service will be refused and may be cancelled if anyone behaves in an abusive or threatening manner, or if the AA is owed money.

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It was to be a nice day using the FD for a lovely day in the Peak District and also coincidentally my sisters post wedding lunch. Having the pleasure of driving my Brother in law to the afore mentioned event it turned out was to be an impossibility.

After my cursed FD once again spat its dummy out yesterday (turbo charger divide by zero error) I was in the unfortunate situation of requiring roadside assistance to get my car back to the garage.

I phoned the lovely people at the AA who my wife had very fortunately taken a contract with a couple of days before. Knowing my luck and at times lack of mechanical sympathy she had taken out the contract with all boxes ticked and additional bells and whistles.

The first lady on the phone was pleasant enough, I told her the turbo had suffered catastrophic existence failure and that it was no longer drivable without placing the engine in jeopardy. She kindly told me at 9:50 that there would be a flat bed with us for 11:40 and that it was all going to be ok. I gave her the destination and the closing time of 'no later than 170'. I explained to her that I would be close to missing out on the post-wedding lunch and therefore will probably not be going along with the car.

11:40 arrived and at that exact moment I got a call saying by the way the driver is 10 mins away however hi tacho has run out and he has to have a 45 mins break. 'Fine' I thought 'No problem these things happen' I asked her if it was ok to leave the keys with a friend and allow him to watch everything get loaded up as I now attempt to drive 38 miles in 10 mins in a rental Corsa. All good.

Got a call from the driver to say he was about to pick the car up and a call from my mate to say it all went ok. Got lost in the Peaks for a while, had lunch and a beer a few tearful goodbyes etc. Nice pleasant day. Fast forwards to 16:20.

I get a call from my new Brother and my little sis who are on their way down to Heathrow for their honeymoon to Thailand to say by the way we are at Watford gap and your car is here. Also by the way WE FOUND YOUR KEYS THEY WERE RESTING ON A TIRE VISIBLE TO ANYONE NEARBY!

At this point the first rather sarcastic phone call to the AA is made.

Suffice it to say rental Corsa defies a few laws of physics and in short order arrives at Watford gap services. The first car we see upon is my very white, very handsome FD sat in the first spot next to the entrance slip. Engine fully functional (albeit down on power by 70%) with the keys poking out from under the wheel arch on the slip road side of the car.

We obviously phoned the AA to express our disgust and find out why the car had only managed to get that far on the previous 4 hours.

Read this bit carefully.

If you send a car unattended with the AA it is their STANDARD PRACTICE to take up to 48 hours to move your car to its destination. To leave your car unattended for up to 8 hours in services with no CCTV coverage, with the keys on or in the car in an EASILY ACCSSIBLE LOCATION. That is if the engineer deems your car unable to be driven. Leaving you car unattended with its key instantly nullifies your insurance. The several mangers I spoke to at the AA are not sure if it would be covered on their insurance.

We ended up leaving the keys with an attendant at the BP station and continuing our journey home and were promised by the AA it would be moved ASAP. ASAP as it turns out was some 6 hours later after 10:30PM. Having now by almost 8 hours missed the garage closing time the car arrived in a 'secure location' (probably a Gypsie camp site with the door open). It was finally delivered today not by the AA but by a random contractor at 12:30.

Can I also take a moment to mention the BURNING RAGE!

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