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Author Have You Been On A Beer Scooter?
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
28th May 03 at 16:24   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
What's a Beer Scooter??

It's the answer to a question I (and many others I'm sure) have puzzled over more than once....
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought....... 'How the hell did I get home?'
As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the
pub to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer
Scooter.
The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to drunks by Bacchus the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman Pantheon and has bought a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion.
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. Beer scooter franchises are not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment.
This answers the second important question after a night out........ 'How
did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries).
An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time
segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third
question after a night out...... 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles may cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction, thus sending the passenger to
the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza
crusts*...another question answered!!
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending).
These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half.
Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the
house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains he
bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get
through 260 Regals in a single night.
PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
Phil321
Member
Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
28th May 03 at 16:29   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Before now I thought I got home by the mythical beer bus! The mythical beer scooter sounds more fun though!
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
28th May 03 at 16:30   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Hey im up your way again this weekend - cant keep away now!!
Phil321
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Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
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28th May 03 at 16:31   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Looks like the weather is goin to be sweet too, best make sure that beer scooter is booked
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
28th May 03 at 16:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Booked

Im also up for june 11th, 12th, 13th, 14th and the 15th
Phil321
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Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
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28th May 03 at 16:34   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Christ, might aswell move house!
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
User status: Offline
28th May 03 at 16:37   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I wanna be a student!!
Phil321
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Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
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28th May 03 at 16:41   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Go to the uni then, dirt cheap housing, interest free loan, 6hrs a week in uni, 6months holiday......tis a hard life though
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 16:42   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
To used to earning money now.

Sounds tempting though!!
Phil321
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Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
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28th May 03 at 16:44   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
You soon get used to not earning, its easily replaced by sitting in the pub all afternoon everyday without a care in the world!
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 16:47   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Its in consideration
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:05   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I was drunk Monday night, norty Shelly let her fella drive the car!
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:45   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Nowt norty bout that
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:48   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
There is when he has no licence or insurance.
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:49   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Oh - in that case.

Slap wrist dont do it again tut tut and all that.
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:52   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote


please dont slap hard, was only up the road and home
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:56   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I dont even know how to slap. Im waaaaaaaay too soft for anything like that.
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 20:59   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 21:03   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Youve got a well cute nose.
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 21:06   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Thats a funny thing to say
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 21:18   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Its not!

I just usually go for girls with noses like yours thats all.
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 21:23   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Aww thanks for the compliment *blush*

I hate my nose!
Phil321
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Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
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28th May 03 at 21:26   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Get a room!
Tiger
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Registered: 12th Jun 01
Location: Leicestershire Drives:Astra VXR
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28th May 03 at 21:27   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
I fink its pwetty..

Shelly has a BF - lucky lad
Shelly
Premium Member

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Registered: 15th Nov 00
Location: Lancashire Drives: Astra H VXR
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28th May 03 at 21:28   View Garage View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Phil - Smiths on the 7th! you know you wanna!

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