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Author Jokes that may offend.....
Phil Hall
Member
Registered: 28th Sep 01
Location: Belfast
User status: Offline
30th May 03 at 12:58   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special
Olympics?
A: Not being retarded


Q: What's blue and fucks old people?

A: Hypothermia


Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?

A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her


Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time

A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.


Q: What is the definition of "making love"?

A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.


Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?

A: They don't fucking listen.

Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?
A: Gonorrhoea


Q: Why did God create yeast infections?

A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too.



Q. How can you tell a macho woman?

A. She rolls her own tampons.


Q. Why do fags like ribbed condoms?

A. Better traction in the mud.


Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?

A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.


Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?

A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13 years old.


Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

A. Marry it.


Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?

A. Your ass kicked.


Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.


Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?

A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.


Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?

A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty miles an hour.



Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A. The cake jumps out of the girl.


Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?

A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.


Q. How is pubic hair like parsley?

A. You push it to the side before you start eating.


Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?

A. You know she'll swallow.


Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?

A. They don't want to wear out the camel.


Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish Wife?

A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.


Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.



Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it is bedtime?

A. When the big hand touches the little hand...


Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?

A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.


Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's in the back of the animals that kick!!

Stuckey
Member
Registered: 5th Jun 02
Location: Plumstead, Greater London
User status: Offline
30th May 03 at 13:01   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Chris@Speedfreex
Member
Registered: 24th Mar 02
Location: west mids, corsa C20LET
User status: Offline
30th May 03 at 13:03   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

Ditch
Member
Registered: 29th Nov 02
Location: St Albans Drives: JDM Celica GT4 WRC
User status: Offline
30th May 03 at 13:08   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
Q: How do you swat 200 flies at one time

A: Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan



dunno why but this one had me in stiches!
Phil321
Member
Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
30th May 03 at 13:23   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Phil Hall
Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the battered wives' shelter?

A: The dishes, if she knows what's good for her


Harsh, but funny!
Rob H
Member
Registered: 28th Oct 00
Location: Staffordshire Drives: Astra SRi
User status: Offline
30th May 03 at 14:15   View User's Profile U2U Member Reply With Quote

quote:

Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?

A: They don't fucking listen.



 
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