sxi boy
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
Location: north east Drives: clio 182
User status: Offline
|
interview with a charver/pikey
TWOC'd in 60 Seconds
12/09/01 -- Whitley Bay Citizen interviews local charva Dazza, from rock group TWOC'd...
We met Dazza, 18, from 'the Ridges', outside a bus shelter on The Links. He was dressed in the traditional attire of charva culture: tracksuit bottoms, artex shirt and 'puffa' jacket. After being searched for 'tabs', we found a seat without any chewing gum stuck to it and started asking our questions...
How the devil are you?
Wha? Wha d'ya mean, like? Devil? Naaaaar. Ye puarly mental, ye, like... Aaaaaar.
What was the first gig you ever went to?
What's a f***in' gig, like? [We explain the term to Dazza] Ah, reet. Well. Me forst consat wuz at me mate's hoose in Shields and he lerruz have a gan on his decks and that, like. Aaaaaar. That was f***in' bangin', that like, ye knaa? 'Cept when the bizzies came and wuh aal had to dee a nash.
What were you like at school?
Well, a nevva really went, ye knaa? Me an' aal me mates used ta just hang 'roond the Metty station and hassle hippies an' that. Aal day. Every day. That was f***in' wicked, man. Wuh aal like, "How! Ye! Get a f***in' haircut... ya fraggle!"
If you weren't a rock'n'roll star what would you be?
Wha? Ye tekkin' the f***in' p*ss, like? Ah've nevva listened ta that sh**e. Me an' aal me mates listen te proppa bangin' gabba or Carl f***kin' Cox. He's got three decks, ye knaa? Have ye tried that? Naaar, a bet ye listen te Travis or sommin' like this [starts banging head and screaming].
What is your most treasured material posession?
Material? Ye mean clothes an' that? Well, er, me faverit thing is probbly, me, er... a divvin' knaa. Me trainers--which only cost uz a tenna--or me tops an' that. But a'll ony wear proppa labels, like. Ye knaa, Lacoste an' that.
What the worst record you've ever made?
Well, I wuz done for TWOC'ing last month, like, so that's probbly the worst thing on me record. For now. Haaar, haaaar, haaaar [laughs through nose for a minute].
What's your poison?
Aaaar, well, a'll tek anything me, like. Once, me and Godsy took forty E's each, like, an' then wuh went doon the beach, an' it wuz just puarly, puarly mad, man. Like, watchin' the sea come in an' that, then, er, watchin' it go out again. Then ah had a whitey for aboot three days. Haaar, haaaar, haaaar [laughs through nose for another minute, pretends to punch the interviewer, punches the side of the bus shelter, laughs again].
Pick five words to describe yourself.
Five? Er... hang on. Mad. Er... Haaaar, haaaar, sexy, an' all. Ha! Ermmm, a divvin knaa. Hang on. [Two minutes pass]. Cushdy, lush, funny, and mad an' aal.
What's in your pockets right now?
Eh? Duh ye wanna search uz, like? Gan' on, then! A dare ye! A f***in' dare ye. [We explain the concept of the interview again]. Aaaaar. 'Reet. Sweet as a nut, like, sweet as. Ah've got me mobile, a screwdriver, me knuckledustas, an' some money for the gamblas.
Who was the last person you punched?
Ya mam! Haaaaar, haaaaar, haaaar. [Takes a moment to regain his composure]. A cannit rememba, but a knaa who's ganna be next, like [stares at interviewer for a full five seconds]. Hahaha. Naaaah, a'm joshin', man. [Pauses] Mebbe.
What was the last record you bought?
A divvin' buy records me, like. Me cousin can TWOC 'em for ya, though, as long as they're in Woolworths or HMV. Three for a tenna. Really.
What are you most likely to complain about in a hotel?
A divvin knaa, ah've nevva bin in one. Hahaha! Ah'd just get louads of lasses back there like and give 'em aal a good seeing to, like. Aaaar! N' ah'd chuck the tely oot the winda, an' aal. [Thinks for a moment] N' s**t in the sink. Haha!
What characteristics do you think you've inherited from your parents?
[Looks at the interviewer violently] Me good looks.
What's your most unpleasant characteristic?
Aaar. Ah pick me nose aal the time. [Demonstrates by picking nose, then licking his finger, then poking said finger in interviewer's ear].
What's your culinary speciality?
Ah ate twenty Curly-Wurlys, once, when ah had the munchies.
What's your greatest fear?
Of becoming like you! Haaaaaaaaar! C-lamped! C-lamped!
What music would you have played at your funeral?
Er... Aaaaar! 'F**k The Millennium' by Scoota. That's f***in' beltin' that, man. An aal me mates'd be there on mushrooms like, proppa gannin' off their heids an' that!
What's the greatest film ever made?
Er... A saw a snuff fillum once--that was proppa dodgee, man. It's aal, like, people gettin' killed an' that. This one gadgie got hit by a train, an' this other one fell out of a window, like that... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee [gestures a man falling from a building] splat! Wuh aal ganna watch it again one night when wuh've aal done some acid, like. Haaaar, haaaar!
Can you recite a line of poetry?
Aaar, aye:
There was a young gadgie from Jarra
Whose knob was the size of a marra.
He said to his tart,
"How's this for a start?
Me baals are ootside in a 'barra."
[laughs racously for a few minutes].
Have you ever been arrested?
Not for a bit, like. Ah'm stayin' oot of trouble now. That's why ah come doon te Whitley, cos' there's hardly any bizzies aroond an' that. An' thez more chance ta get a shag, an' aal.
What turns you on?
What? Why ye askin', like? Do ye fancy uz or somming? Next time a see youz, ah'm ganna get me squad doon here, like, an proppa do yez ower. Haaar.
Happiness is...
[Silence. We explain he's meant to finish the sentence] Aaaar, 'reet. Er, gettin' rid of aal the rozzers, makin' tak legal, an gettin' rid of aal the hippies.
Where are you off to now?
Noo? Is that it, like? Well, ah'm gannin' gan te Shields an' get some gear, an' then ah'm ganna get proppa mashed. Borra uz a fiver, will ye? Howay. [We tell Dazza we don't have any money] Ah divvent believe yez! Lerruz search ye! How! Ye radgies! [We sprint over the road; dash past the amusements and dart into the Playhouse where we pretend to check out an upcoming show featuring Hinge and Bracket].
So ends our interview with a real-life charva. We hope you'll agree that it makes for better reading than that awful one Q did with David Gray. What a boring sod. Womens' backs turn him on, and he described himself as 'snuffly'. Moron.
|
vibrio
Banned
Registered: 28th Feb 01
Location: POAH
User status: Offline
|
I feel that this story is too long
|
big eck
Member
Registered: 20th Apr 03
Location: Tullibody. Drives - Audi B8 S4 & Fiesta Zetec-S
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by vibrio
I feel that this story is too long
 i'll second that
|
sxi boy
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
Location: north east Drives: clio 182
User status: Offline
|
i feel u wudnt appreciate it anyway
|
vibrio
Banned
Registered: 28th Feb 01
Location: POAH
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by sxi boy
i feel u wudnt appreciate it anyway
why is that
|
Sooty
Banned
Registered: 9th Mar 03
Location: FLAP CENTRAL
User status: Offline
|
Mate, I am absolutely creased at that LMFAO till tomorrow!
|
sxi boy
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
Location: north east Drives: clio 182
User status: Offline
|
quote:
Originally posted by vibrio
quote:
Originally posted by sxi boy
i feel u wudnt appreciate it anyway
why is that
well are you familiar with the term 'charver' and the way of life with which it is associated?
|
M2RTY
Member
Registered: 25th May 01
User status: Offline
|
STOP POSTING BITS OFF MY SITE
|
sxi boy
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
Location: north east Drives: clio 182
User status: Offline
|
but its soooooo gud marv
|
Tom
Member
Registered: 3rd Apr 02
Location: Wirral, Merseyside
User status: Offline
|
that is quality
some of the stuff in that was class
'fillum' love it when geordies say that ....
|
Corsa Sport Gav
Member
Registered: 12th Feb 03
Location: Durham, County Durham Drives: A6 Allroad
User status: Offline
|
LMAO
|
Sooty
Banned
Registered: 9th Mar 03
Location: FLAP CENTRAL
User status: Offline
|
LMFAO, im prolly the only person on this board who understands
"'roond the Metty station and hassle hippies an' that. Aal day"
|
sxi boy
Member
Registered: 11th Apr 02
Location: north east Drives: clio 182
User status: Offline
|
look at the rest of the site, its class 
|
Hillzlo
Member
Registered: 9th Nov 02
Location: Noitacol
User status: Offline
|
That is sooooooo funny. HAHAHAHA
|
|
