3CorsaMeal
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Registered: 11th Apr 02
User status: Offline
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1. Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the six o'clock news.
The main story is a man threatening to jump off the Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below. Posh turns to Becks and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't." So they shake hands on the bet and continue watching.
Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road below with a loud thud.
Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh.
But she refuses.
"I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I was cheating.
I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to jump." "No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and square I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would do it again."
2. The Manchester United players are in the dressing room on Saturday, just before the game, when Roy Keane walks in. "Boss," he says, "there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection."
"Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."
3. David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask." The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David. "And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies David.
4. Posh takes her car into a garage to have some dents removed. The mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world, decides to play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents out," he says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop back into place". So she takes the car home and tries it. David spots her from the house, opens a window and shouts "You silly cow! You have to wind the windows up first!"
5. David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily. Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh. "You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."
6. David Beckham had a near-death experience the other day when he went riding.
Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the ground. His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to stop or even slow down.
Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth's' manager came along and unplugged it.
7. Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. "What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver and I just killed the cow.
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Phil321
Member
Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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David Beckham wakes up one morning, looks in the mirror and thinks to himself,
'God, I look good today, in fact, I feel good too.' Victoria walks past and asks him why he's smiling.
'Well,' he says,' I look and feel great.'
'Oh right,' she replies, 'but you do smell.'
David sniffs and agrees with his stupid wife. He thinks no more of it and sets of for training. When he arrives, he bumps into Fergie. 'Whats that smell?' asks the boss.
'I don't understand it boss,' replies Beckham, 'I feel great and I look good, but I smell terribly.'
'Ah, its obvious David,' says Fergie, 'you're a cunt!'
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Phil321
Member
Registered: 10th Mar 01
Location: Manchester
User status: Offline
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David Beckham is asked to give a speech at a press conference. He's a little nervous as one would expect. He takes a deep breath and begins.......
'I like them because they're minty and make my breath fresh for up to two hours, and Victoria loves them because they're only two calories.'
Suddenly, a voice at the back of the room shouts........
'Oi, David you prat, you're supposed to be talking about tactics, not tic-tacs!'
[Edited on 29-08-2003 by Phil321]
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wacko corsaboy
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Registered: 29th Aug 02
Location: York, uk
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 LMFAO
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Dean_H
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Registered: 19th May 02
Location: Rhondda Cynon Taff
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L O L
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Foz
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Registered: 8th May 02
Location: Bristol
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lol!
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Nismo
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Registered: 12th Sep 02
User status: Offline
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Tip Top
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jo_corsa
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Registered: 19th Jul 03
Location: Luton
User status: Offline
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groom
Member
Registered: 19th Apr 03
Location: In front of my pc
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LOLLOLLOL
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Ben
Banned
Registered: 12th Jan 03
Location: West Yorkshire
User status: Offline
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shit hot they r
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Spence
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Registered: 13th Jan 03
Location: Bristol UK
User status: Offline
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